IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternatives sources. Discuss both views and give own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternatives #sources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
 a faction of people hold the notion that
government
 should provide financial
aide
Correct your spelling
aid
show examples
 to
artists
, others argue that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it is a misuse of public resources.
This
 essay will delve into both viewpoints with relevant illustrations and explain my
support
 for the former view. There is no doubt that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have
responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
show examples
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 basic needs for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
In other words
, the authority should focus on infrastructure development and education for children rather than providing financial
support
 for
artists
.
In addition
, there are often
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
arguments
 that
artists
 should work for their living expenses rather than asking
support
Change preposition
for support
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
government
.
As a result
, they can work for their passion
in out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of working hours and
Change preposition
at weekend
show examples
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
.
Although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
 should be financially
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
, I believe that the
government
 should provide
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
support
 to
artists
when ever
Correct your spelling
whenever
show examples
 they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the authority
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to protect
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 and
culture
 of the
society
.
For example
,
Australian
Add an article
the Australian
show examples
government
 spent 50 million dollars to protect the tribal art and
culture
 which is
widly
Correct your spelling
widely
wildly
 appreciated.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
 are
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of the development of
culture
 which should
pass
Wrong verb form
be passed on
show examples
 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation.
In other words
,
artists
 have an important role
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
 the
harmoney
Correct your spelling
harmony
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and they have
immense
Add an article
an immense
show examples
 influence on the young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
For example
, the
government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
 movie against the
wild fire
Correct your spelling
wildfire
show examples
 reduces the
man made
Add a hyphen
man-made
show examples
Add an article
a wild
show examples
wild fire
Correct your spelling
wildfire
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a significant percentage. In conclusion,
Although
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have
responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 provide basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 for the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
, the
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should be supported financially to survive the harmoney and
culture
 in
society
. In my view
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 are
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 part of our
society
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar/spelling
Be careful with your grammar and spelling. In your introduction, 'aide' should be 'aid', and 'arguement' should be 'argument'. Ensuring that you accurately spell words will lead to a higher score.
idea development
Ensure that you develop your ideas fully. For instance, when mentioning that artists should work for their living expenses, expand on this idea by providing an example or explaining why this might be an expectation.
sentence clarity
Make sure all sentences are complete and clearly structured. The sentence 'In addition, there are often arguement that artists should work for their living expenses rather than asking support for the government.' could be rephrased for clarity.
sentence variety
Use a range of sentence structures to showcase your English language ability. The use of complex sentences and a variety of conjunctions can help to improve your score.
conclusion
Try to provide a more in-depth conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and clearly states your position.
tone and task response
Remember to maintain a neutral tone throughout your essay and address the task by discussing both points of view and giving your own opinion.
coherence
Link your ideas more effectively by using cohesive devices such as 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for instance'. This will make your argument more coherent.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: