IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#summarise #weight #measurements #people #charlestown #information #features #comparisons
The chart compares the weight of inhabitants in Charlestown in the years 1955 and 2015.
Overall
, in 2015, the number of obese
people
 had an increasing tendency,
whereas
 in the past, the least amount of individuals were overweight.
Additionally
, it was more consistent to have an ideal weight over the years in 1955 rather than in 2015.
To begin
, in 1955, the biggest proportion of inhabitants were in ideal body shape, starting from 70% in the 20 to 29
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group, finilising in about 50% of those who are 60 to 69 years old.
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the number of
people
 who faced obesity fluctuated from 5% for those who are 40 to 49, to 10% (50 to 59) and
then
 moved back to 5% (60-69), accounting for the lowest proportions in the chart. Looking at the modern statistics, the percentage of obese inhabitants had significantly grown from around 1% for youngsters
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to 60% for elders.
Moreover
, it was quite common for young
people
 to have an ideal weight,
while
 only 5% of elders aged 60 to 69 were in a healthy form. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being in ideal condition was quite popular in the past, there was a significant number of
people
 who suffered from underweight.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: