IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart compares the weight of inhabitants in Charlestown in the years 1955 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2015, the number of obese
people
Use synonyms
 had an increasing tendency,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the past, the least amount of individuals were overweight.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it was more consistent to have an ideal weight over the years in 1955 rather than in 2015.
To begin
Linking Words
, in 1955, the biggest proportion of inhabitants were in ideal body shape, starting from 70% in the 20 to 29
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group, finilising in about 50% of those who are 60 to 69 years old.
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who faced obesity fluctuated from 5% for those who are 40 to 49, to 10% (50 to 59) and
then
Linking Words
 moved back to 5% (60-69), accounting for the lowest proportions in the chart. Looking at the modern statistics, the percentage of obese inhabitants had significantly grown from around 1% for youngsters
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to 60% for elders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it was quite common for young
people
Use synonyms
 to have an ideal weight,
while
Linking Words
 only 5% of elders aged 60 to 69 were in a healthy form. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being in ideal condition was quite popular in the past, there was a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffered from underweight.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: