IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the
usage
Use synonyms
 of the devices for watching television( mobile phones, laptops, tablets, desktop computers, flat-screen
TVs
Use synonyms
, and conventional
TVs
Use synonyms
) by people in the 18 to 25 group in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, conventional
TVs
Use synonyms
 constituted the main device to watch television in 2009,
while
Linking Words
 tablets were the least popular gadgets in the same year. In 2019, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of flat-screen
TVs
Use synonyms
 demonstrated an upward trend ,
whereas
Linking Words
 there was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant decline in conventional TV
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 among survey participants. It is clear from the data, that the number of people, who chose conventional
TVs
Use synonyms
 in 2009 accounted for 34% and
this
Linking Words
 ,
then
Linking Words
 dropped to 4% in 2019. The
usage
Use synonyms
 of laptops
also
Linking Words
 showed a downward tendency, sliding from 20% in 2009 to 12% in 2019,
as well as
Linking Words
 the number of desktop
computers’
Change noun form
computers
show examples
 users,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 went down from 18% to 12%. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is presented in the pie charts, the number of those, who used mobile phones more than any other device, rose from 15% at the beginning of the survey to 26% in the final year. The
usage
Use synonyms
 of tablets
also
Linking Words
 showed a growth of 14%, from 5% in 2009 to 19% in 2019. The most significant increase
showed
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
flat-screen
Add an article
a flat-screen
the flat-screen
show examples
 TV
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it went from 8% to 27%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, tvs with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • proportion
  • comparison
  • device
  • traditional TV
  • laptop
  • mobile phone
  • tablet
  • streaming services
  • usage
  • trend
  • shift
  • technological advancements
  • viewing habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: