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Band 3

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
The result of improved medical treatment is the fact that
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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 status of life
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 better and longer
due to
 its increased quality. My point of view is that
this
 process of developing medicine has equally advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
, through health
service
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services
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 that
has
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have
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 improved recently people
begun
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have begun
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 to inhabit their style of life with comfort and quality.
Thus
, the age of
the
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apply
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death has increased from 45 to 90 for men and women.
That is
 a sufficient improvement for human
being
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beings
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, because, as an example, it gives us the ability to create families and to give
a
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apply
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birth
of
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to
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 many future generations.
Therefore
,
number
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a number
the number
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 of world’s population has grown and spread very quickly.
Secondly
, these factors have heavy consequences that influence on country’s economy and status of nature.
For instance
,
by
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apply
show examples
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 rising
number of
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apply
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population
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populations
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 has raised
a
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the
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quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of consumers that require
large
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a large
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amount
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amounts
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 of resources. Their irrational utilization leads to serious climate changes, cataclysms, disappearance of species and illnesses. Another negative impact is
a
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the
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 spread of poverty and starvation. In some poor and underdeveloped
countries
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countries,
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this
 phenomenon is common like in India, Africa and Moldova, where people exist beyond the line of poorness. Eventually, medicine has influenced and evolved all fields of human activity, extending our
life
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lives
show examples
 and giving us a chance to make out with sense and utility.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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introduction
Provide a clear introduction to the topic that includes your thesis statement, outlining the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
paragraph structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that subsequent sentences support that main idea.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and transition phrases.
conclusion
In the conclusion, explicitly state whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, providing a summary of the points made.
task response
Make sure to respond fully to the task by specifically addressing whether you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and justify your opinion.
examples evidence
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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