IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What are the reasons for this and how can the problem be tackled?

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Lately, a plethora of topics is being seriously talked about among individuals and groups, and one prominent topic about
healthcare
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. In the succeeding paragraphs, the reason for which experts debate that many advanced nations are dropping off health conditions even if the
medicare
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system
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 had an enormous improvement
along with
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 the writer's view on the matter. With regard to advanced
healthcare
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. It is a common fact that the
medicare
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system
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 can reach satisfying with different ranges of people nowadays. To illustrate, public
healthcare
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 includes a diversity of medical support
such
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 as support for disability, elder care and palliative care, etc,
however
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, a negative aspect of public
healthcare
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 is that the coverage of free treatment is limited by public funds,
according to
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 the related organization reports the annual tax in regional government received can't pursue an enormous requirement with the aspect of medically needed.
Hence
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, people have to pay a high cost for extra
treatments
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, which is a reason why most patients get worse with their health condition since they refuse to go to the hospital. To tackle
this
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 issue, one approach is that the government should allocate more rates with budgets to the public
healthcare
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system
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 for the purpose of assisting the well-being
system
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 .
For instance
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, extending the range of free
treatments
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 in public
medicare
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such
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 as surgery, medicines and providing more benefits for families who are under level etc. Taking everything into consideration, the way to complete the
healthcare
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system
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 must be taking action from existing policies and a wider range of considerations for different situations with families. In conclusion, One advantage of existing
healthcare
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 is that it offers a diversity of
treatments
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 to deal with different situations and requirements even if the coverage is limited by budgets.
Moreover
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, a possible way to solve
this
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 is to extend the coverage of the
medicare
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system
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 for more people able to afford
treatments
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas being presented in a somewhat haphazard manner. It's important to plan your essay before you start writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed and supported by subsequent sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs are present but could be more effective in setting out the topic and summarizing the main points of your argument. Ensure your introduction clearly addresses the question and that your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your supporting points need further development and clearer explanations. Aim to support your ideas with specific examples and ensure that your points clearly relate back to the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
You've provided a response to the task, but need to ensure that your essay comprehensively covers all parts of the prompt. Make sure to address each component of the question in sufficient detail.
task achievement
Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensively explained. Aim for clarity in your argumentation, ensuring the reader can follow your line of reasoning without difficulty.
task achievement
Relevant examples are needed to effectively back up your points. Use specific examples to illustrate your ideas and to provide evidence for your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of physical health
  • developed countries
  • falling
  • lifestyle changes
  • unhealthy habits
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • lack of physical activity
  • fast food
  • unhealthy diets
  • stress
  • mental health issues
  • environmental factors
  • lack of education
  • awareness
  • government policies
  • regulations
  • promotion of healthy habits
  • awareness campaigns
  • stricter regulations
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • physical activity
  • exercise programs
  • balanced diet
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