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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Q. Violence and crime have increased in most major cities of the world. Some people say this is because children now play violent video games online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#q #violence #crime #cities #world #people #children #video #games
In the contemporary era, a noticeable surge in violence and crime has emerged across major cities worldwide, with teenagers being implicated in a significant number of cases.
According to
 some individuals,
this
 rise is attributed to the proliferation of violent video games played by
children
 online.
However
, I respectfully disagree with
this
 viewpoint.
For example
, there are instances where young individuals are encouraged to unlawfully steal cars and drive recklessly through pedestrian areas, showing disregard for bystanders' safety.
Such
 actions not only encourage imitation but
also
 foster a sense of impunity among young offenders, who justify their actions by comparing them to online games and showing indifference to real-world consequences when caught by law enforcement.
This
 trend blurs the lines between reality and the virtual world for
children
, heavily influenced by the
content
 they encounter on social media and online platforms. Without proper guidance or warnings about the implications of mimicking
such
content
,
children
 are at risk.
Therefore
, implementing stringent
content
 filters is essential to shield
children
 from harmful material and provide comprehensive education on distinguishing right from wrong.
Furthermore
, proactive measures are necessary to educate
children
 about the potential consequences of replicating actions from the virtual realm in the physical world, fostering responsibility and ethical decision-making.
While
 violent video games may play a role, addressing
this
 issue requires acknowledging the broader influence of inappropriate online challenges and
content
. In conclusion, combating the escalation of crime and violence among youth necessitates a multifaceted approach. Implementing stringent
content
 filters and providing comprehensive education on ethical conduct are crucial steps to steer
children
 away from criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and cultivate a strong moral compass.
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task achievement
To enhance your essay on task response, make sure to directly address the prompt throughout your essay. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the assertion that violent video games are the cause of increased violence and crime, and ensure that all your arguments and examples directly support your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by closely linking your ideas and paragraphs. While your essay contains logical structure and relevant examples, ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs can augment the flow of your ideas. Try using more linking phrases that show cause and effect, contrast, or comparison.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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