IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words

#minutes #topic #worker #age #people
Legislations passed in numerous countries demand labourers to cease to work in their 60s, yet there is an ongoing debate on whether one's retirement time should be up to themselves.
This
 essay will utilise my perspective and provide logical reasons why retiring should be a willful choice and not a forced obligation. In my opinion, working is a basic human right that correlates with
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 well-being. First of all, I believe that every individual has the right to choose their desired passion and suitable career path.
Furthermore
, to limit their movements just because they reach a certain age would be the same thing as dismissing their rights. For that reason,
this
 phenomenon can be considered ageist discrimination, which is detrimental and disrespectful.
Therefore
, no one should be given the power to strip off someone else's right and perhaps, identity.
Moreover
, a lot of elderly people feel empowered and needed in society when they are still productive.
For instance
, some of them may be susceptible to health complications
due to
 natural body function deterioration and
additionally
, in despair caused by stress.
Therefore
, the least we, as a society, can do to lend a hand is to allow them to express themselves through their preferred activities, including working.
To sum up
, leaving
such
life-changing
Correct article usage
a life-changing
show examples
 option to the government and lawmakers
instead
 of the workers themselves is completely unreasonable as it is a very personal and crucial decision for many. I reckon that labourers, regardless of the amount of time they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on earth, must be given the chance to work as long as they wish. I believe that every country's governing parties should cater to veterans' rights and needs in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
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Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by offering more detailed examples and explanations. While your essay makes clear arguments, providing specific examples to support each point would strengthen it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices more effectively. This can enhance the logical flow of your essay and provide clarity. Additionally, make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • prolonged employment
  • skills gap
  • inclusive workplace
  • youth employment opportunities
  • health concerns
  • continuous training
  • personal autonomy
  • financial readiness
  • pension systems
  • demographic changes
  • labor market
  • intergenerational knowledge transfer
  • mentorship programs
  • workplace adaptations
What to do next:
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