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In some cultures, children are often told that they can acheive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #acheive #message
In general, adults encourage
children
 to pursue their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 emphasizing the importance of effort to succeed.
However
,
this
 encouragement has
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both sides, positive
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 negative.
This
 essay will examine the pros and cons of telling
children
 that trying hard can secure
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success and my opinion before a conclusion. First of all,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
telling
children
 that hard work always pays off can allow
children
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
show examples
 confident
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they are more likely to accomplish more.
Many researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Much research
show examples
 on self-confidence demonstrated that
children
 who have positive thinking about their future could focus more on their tasks, and
as a result
, the possibility of success increased.
Moreover
, by teaching
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of effort,
children
 can learn integrity and work ethics. Offsprings will take more ethical ways to succeed, not cheat
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to achieve goals.
However
, just emphasizing
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 might make
children
 avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality. Sometimes there is a time for individuals to quit what they have prepared for a long time
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of the problems of
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 world,
such
 as money, lack of ability, or
unfortune
Correct your spelling
unfortunate
 events.
However
, if folks
immersed
Add a missing verb
are immersed
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the feeling that "as I was taught earlier, if I make more effort to achieve
this
,
then
 I can succeed",
this
 can lead to
vicious
Add an article
a vicious
the vicious
show examples
 cycle.
Therefore
, telling constantly to
children
that
Rephrase
constantly that
show examples
 the only condition for
ahievement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 is trying hard can give them
wrong
Correct article usage
a wrong
show examples
 perception
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 accomplishment.
To sum up
, teaching
children
 the importance of
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 is beneficial for
children
's confidence,
while
 it can make young students obsessed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goals that
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to be nearly impossible to achieve. I think on balance that before they enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society, it is important to give them confidence by telling them "
you
Capitalize word
You
show examples
 can do
everyting
Correct your spelling
everything
 if you try hard."
This
 sense of efficacy will give
children
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 to try again if they fall down.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear central topic and that the examples provided are specific and directly related to the topic sentence.
Task Achievement
Develop the main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic and to support your argument more effectively.
Linguistic Range
Work on sentence structure and variety to improve the flow of ideas and make the essay more engaging.
Grammar
Proofread the essay to correct grammatical inaccuracies and enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand upon the conclusion by succinctly summarizing both sides of the argument and presenting a final, reflective thought on the subject.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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