Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason #development

Today, online shopping is the most popular

way

to refresh the minds of young people aged 18 to 26 in many ASEAN countries.

This

essay claims that engaging

way

in online selling is essential to make young adults shop from e-commerce, and I think it leads to a negative development since

this

technological development can make younger people spend a lot of money rather than just buying their necessities. In Indonesia, we have several online platforms that offer a simple

way

to purchase young adults’ wishlists,

for example

, Shopee and

Tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

show examples

. They provide an attractive shop window of products and sometimes do live shopping to suggest the product description and young adult consumers can ask some questions related.

For example

, TikTok Live can show the display of the real products in use that the users can enjoy for a long duration. That appeal will influence younger people to gain more interest in the products and check out straight

afterward

Change the spelling

afterwards

show examples

from their account.

According to

many e-commerce platforms that Indonesia has, it is undeniable that can have bad consequences for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young adult to increase their spending habit. Attractive online selling can persuade users to impulse buy trivial things that they don’t really need, supported by massive promotions during live sales. That situation can make customers shop until

drop

Correct subject-verb agreement

drops

show examples

and it can be bad for their financials.

For example

, shopee live selling offers promotions and discounts during the live sessions, attracting customers to buy stuff at the moment as

live

Replace the word

life

show examples

happens. It can be a bad habit that can affect many serious aspects later in the younger generation’s future. In conclusion, the rising

way

of online shopping happens through massive live selling at e-commerce and the worsening development of these popular ways is it can lead

younger

Add an article

the younger

show examples

generation to spend a lot of money than it should be.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Fri Jan 19 2024

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Introduction

Be sure to have a clear introductory sentence that clearly addresses the essay question and sets up the structure of your essay. Avoid general statements that do not directly respond to the prompt.

Development of Ideas

Develop your ideas more fully by expanding on how the reasons you mention (such as live selling) lead to shopping becoming a leisure activity. Explain why these factors are specifically appealing to young adults.

Coherence

Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

Cohesion

Use linking words and phrases (consequently, therefore, hence) to connect your points more clearly and show their relationship to each other.

Conclusion

In your conclusion, summarize your main points more effectively by restating the reasons for the trend and its implications. Make sure it clearly reflects the points you made in the body paragraphs.

Supporting Examples

While you provide specific examples, such as the mention of Shopee and TikTok lives, ensure that examples are directly related to supporting your argument about the reasons for the trend and its positive or negative nature.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

You are invited to a party, however, because of some reasons you didn’t attend. Write a letter to the friend who invites you: (1) explain the reason why you didn’t go; (2) express your apology; (3) ask about some details in the party.

Some people think that newly built houses should follow the style of old houses in local areas. Others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own style. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+