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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #face #development
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Today, a large number of people have been opting to communicate through a technological way
instead
 of doing it directly to the person. In my point of view,
this
 fact is not achievable for everyone and contributes negatively to social connections. Online communication requires specific electronic equipment, services and conditions.
Thus
, not everyone has the financial stability to afford it. Mostly, equipment suitable to maintain online connection uses the internet as the primary ingredient for communication becoming successful.
And all
Correct word choice
All
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 of that equipment and the internet itself demand costs, and, around the world, still
exist
Verb problem
apply
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people with financial gaps.
For instance
,
at
Change preposition
during
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 the pandemic time, there were several news about students
uncapable
Correct your spelling
incapable
 of achieving school results just because they could not be in online classes.
On the other hand
, the increase in socialising through computers or mobile phones doesn't foment social relationships and contributes significantly to isolating human beings. There are some surveys that show us how social connections have declined, especially among the younger community. The scientific community even established an association between technological development and the amount of friendship in the school environment. The less interaction the
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
 maintain, the less social skills they absorb. In conclusion, the advanced digital ways of communication obligate a financial status, which is not the real situation for every person.
Additionally
, even money situation and life stability influence access to online interaction.
Moreover
,
this
 situation per se does seem to contribute to accentuating the gap between human interaction and,
consequently
, generating a lack of social relationships.
Submitted by maria_miguel- on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Although present, your introduction could directly address the question more explicitly by stating whether the trend is positive or negative. Your conclusion does restate your position, which is good practice.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices throughout your essay to link ideas and paragraphs together smoothly. Attempt to use a mix of simple and complex structures to show range.
task achievement
Expand your main points with more detailed and developed examples. While you have given some examples, they are somewhat general and do not fully illustrate the impact or demonstrate the points in depth.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. In this essay, address both sides of the argument to fully meet the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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