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Band 5

Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as it is an important lifeskill.Do you agree or disagree with the statement.

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In today's interconnected society, some individuals argue that the government should implement new teaching techniques for school
students
Use synonyms
. They believe, that
money
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management
Use synonyms
 prepares
students
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 for real-world financial responsibilities. It is a crucial life skill,
however
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, I wholeheartedly disagree with the phenomenon. There are some fundamental reasons for
this
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 is primarily the parents' role to teach
money
Use synonyms
management
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, not the school's. There are some circumstances
such
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 as behaviour in society and saving
money
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 and not spending
money
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 on bad habits, which should be taught by family.
Therefore
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,
children
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 will have more responsibility to follow these rules.
Consequently
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,
due to
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right
Correct article usage
the right
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 education from
family
Correct article usage
the family
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, the
children
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 will learn how to save
money
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 and improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
management
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skills
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. As an example, statistics show that
children
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 learn more from family than schools. Another key
of
Change preposition
apply
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consideration is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 secondary school
students
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 are not yet at the stage where
money
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management
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 is an immediate concern, and it may be more appropriate to teach at a later stage. Schools should teach
students
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 more academic fields than personal life
skills
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.
Although
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 these
skills
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 are very significant for
students
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' future lives, they can decrease the motivation of
students
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 to learn other scientific subjects
such
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 as biology , chemistry and physics.
For instance
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,
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
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 give information that,
students
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 prefer more practical subjects.
That is
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 the reason why, these lessons can separate
children
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 from education. In conclusion,
money
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management
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skills
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 are very vital for
students
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 to reduce future financial complications,
nevertheless
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, I completely agree, that
this
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 should be taught by parents or in
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 education institutions.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to your main argument with well-chosen transition words.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, restate your thesis more clearly and summarise your main points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to provide stronger support for your argument.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the argument, even if your position is one-sided, to show a balanced view before stating your conclusion.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Avoid general statements and aim for more depth in your explanations.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • investing
  • savings
  • credit and debit
  • expenses
  • financial planning
  • economic independence
  • consumer education
  • debt management
  • interest rates
  • financial institutions
  • taxation
  • retirement planning
  • fiscal responsibility
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