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Band 5

There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#necessity #countries #world #terms #population #education #health #care
It is believed that financial help from developed
countries
 to undeveloped ones is morally required. I absolutely agree with the statement, as it will minimize the gap between rich and poor
countries
 and it serves the collective interest of humanity.
Firstly
, there are several
countries
 which are currently facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obstacles with the absence of common necessities and diseases that cannot straightforwardly be healed
due to
 the substandard quality of
the
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apply
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healthcare. These factors are detrimental
for
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to
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 the economy of not only the nation, but the whole world, as
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 of those
countries
 mostly work illegally and suffer from poverty and hunger,
therefore
 the help from the other nations will help to raise the status of the poor territories, expanding the opportunities for everyone.
For instance
, prosperous and underprivileged
countries
 might cooperate in order to make mutually beneficial deals.
Secondly
, an unimaginable number of
people
 do not have access to fundamental human rights,
such
 as healthcare, which is obviously unfair. A healthier global population contributes to a more stable and secure world.
Furthermore
, children in poor
countries
 do not even have a primary education. The aid from the richer
countries
 would be,
for example
, scholarships or collaborative educational programs. Education and health are catalysts for social progress and in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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world
Add a comma
world,
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 it is not acceptable that millions of
people
 live in extreme poverty
in
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apply
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these days.
While
 a number of
people
 live, others survive,
accordingly
 caring about other
people
 is ethically imperative, if we want to make our planet a sustainable system, which is a safe place for
everyone
Correct your spelling
every
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 single person.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear, logical structure. Each paragraph should center around one main idea, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and engaging, but consider refining them to better bookend the essay, offering a stronger summary of your main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with explanations, but to improve, incorporate more concrete examples or data to illustrate and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have responded to the task effectively by taking a clear position and discussing various aspects of the issue. Keep developing a more nuanced view by considering and refuting counterarguments to enhance the depth of your response.
task achievement
Your ideas are quite clear and comprehensive, but greater detail or sophistication in exploring the implications of your points could improve clarity further.
task achievement
Providing more specific, real-world examples to support your points would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue and strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral necessity
  • global solidarity
  • affluent
  • food security
  • global stability
  • poverty reduction
  • global health standards
  • economic instability
  • inequality
  • non-intrusive
  • sovereignty
  • autonomy
  • self-reliance
  • sustainable development
  • international cooperation
  • transparent
  • accountable
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