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Band 4.5

*Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?*

#*nowadays #people #health #measures
From
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
ancient times, it is believed that health is wealth.
However
,
citizens
Correct article usage
the citizens
show examples
 of today are not
healthy
Rephrase
as healthy
show examples
 as they were in the past. They
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 major diseases. The main cause is innovation which
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
 lazy. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate on these
further
 followed by solutions. Innovation has given many updated devices to humans.
Such
 as cars, bikes, and buses.
Public
Add an article
The public
show examples
 is often seen
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 travelling modern mode of transportation
whereas
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
cycle
Fix the agreement mistake
cycles
show examples
 or
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
 to walk long miles to move from one place to the other. These days
people
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to gyms for
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 but before
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 their regular routine was like exercise.
Additionally
,
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 main focus was to eat healthy
food
such
 as organic vegetables, fruits, and ghee.
On the contrary
, now
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 eat fast
food
 more. So all these habits
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to issues
such
 as obesity, heart disease, and attacks.  How to solve
this
 dilemma? The answer
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 question is clear both the
people
 and the government can take initiatives.
For example
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can create
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 by making a day special for exercise day like India did
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yoga
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
 in july. It will assist
people
 to know the benefits of yoga and they may implement it in their life.
Moreover
, high taxes on fast
food
 should be imposed to encourage them toward fruits and vegetables.
In addition
 to
this
,
people
ownself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can develop a routine,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can balance their work and home life. After doing
this
, they can manage time for exercise. Eventually,
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 nation is in the hands of both public administration and
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
,
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 is a matter of concern in
this
 modern era
due to
 the introduction of new diseases in the technology era. But with necessary measures
such
 as time management and taxes on junk
food
 may help to control
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are fully developed and expanded upon with relevant details and examples. Provide further explanation and examples to support your statements. Be mindful of run-on sentences and create paragraphs with a clear focus.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, be sure to address all parts of the prompt. Develop your arguments with a balanced approach and include both causes and solutions to the issue being discussed. Keep the ideas relevant and avoid general statements without specific details or examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urbanization
  • physical activity
  • transportation modes
  • desk-bound
  • fast food
  • health awareness
  • public health campaigns
  • infrastructure
  • wellness programs
  • physical education
  • fitness trackers
  • active living
  • motivation for exercise
What to do next:
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