IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that animals should be kept in men-made cells. What are the disadvantages of keeping animal in zoo?

#people #animals #men-made #cells #zoo
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In the modern world,the zoo is the most famous tourist attraction for many children. there
have
Verb problem
are
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 a lot of wild
animal
Change to a plural noun
animals
show examples
,
For
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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lion
Fix the agreement mistake
lions
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,
crocodile
Fix the agreement mistake
crocodiles
show examples
 or
snake
Fix the agreement mistake
snakes
show examples
.These
animals
Use synonyms
 are so dangerous.So it should kept in the
cell
Use synonyms
.From my opinion, I support the idea that
aniamls
Correct your spelling
animals
 should kept in the
cell
Use synonyms
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain about advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 topic.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,to keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
cell
Use synonyms
 are numerous pros.
Firstly
Linking Words
 we can save them from
predator
Fix the agreement mistake
predators
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 give them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential food
such
Linking Words
 as seeds ,
Correct word choice
and meats
show examples
meats
Fix the agreement mistake
meat
show examples
.For
instacnce
Correct your spelling
instance
 in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 most
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 must
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
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 care
by
Change preposition
of by
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government
Add an article
the government
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.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 the zoo can easily earn a lot of money from
Correct article usage
the tourissm
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tourissm
Correct your spelling
the tourism
 sector because not only local visitors but include foreign
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 who
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 to watch
Use synonyms
animals
Correct article usage
the animals
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.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 we keep the dangerous
animals
Use synonyms
 far away from humans or can produce medical
vacine
Correct your spelling
vaccines
such
Linking Words
 as serum
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 from snake poison. It is undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some people suggest the drawbacks of
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
pets
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisons.Nowadays many
pets
Use synonyms
 must
put
Add a missing verb
be put
show examples
 in the cells and that
imapct
Correct your spelling
impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
pets
Change noun form
pets'
pet's
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 behavior.
In addition
Linking Words
, the emotions of
pets
Use synonyms
 must
Add a missing verb
be agressive
show examples
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 after prison in the cells.
For example
Linking Words
 from the news of pitbull dogs
cage
Wrong verb form
caged
show examples
 in the
cell
Use synonyms
. After it goes
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 it bites a child.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
die
Correct pronoun usage
that die
show examples
 from human fun
are
Verb problem
has
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 dramatically increased because humans
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 them for fun, money and many other reasons.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some people don't have time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
pets
Use synonyms
.They must put it to the
cell
Use synonyms
 and that impact to crucial
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 emotions of
pet
Add an article
a pet
the pet
show examples
also
Linking Words
 healthy
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear logical structure for your essay, including organized paragraphs and clear transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that addresses the question directly and a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is supported with specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
Be sure to fully respond to the task, meaning all parts of the question should be addressed comprehensively in the essay.
task achievement
Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas related to the disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos, as the prompt requests.
task achievement
When providing examples, make sure they are relevant to the question and illustrate the disadvantages of zoo confinement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Confinement
  • Zoochosis
  • Natural habitat
  • Ethical implications
  • Artificial environments
  • Distorted understanding
  • Conservation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Inbreeding
  • Genetic diversity
  • Intrinsic rights
  • Species endangerment
  • Mental health
  • Inadequate conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: