Few people believe that health is a person's own responsibility while some others believe that governments are the ones who need to be held accountable for the public's balanced diet. This essay is going to explore more about the two statements.

#people #health #person #responsibility #governments #ones #diet #two #statements

Few

people

believe that good physical condition is a person's own responsibility

while

some others believe that governments are the ones who need to be held accountable for the public's balanced diet.

This

essay is going to explore more about the two statements. On the one hand, many

people

argue that governments indeed have their own roles in ensuring that citizens can live healthily because

health

is a basic human right.

This

is usually managed by the Ministry of

Health

by making guidelines about

people

’s eating behaviours

while

following the World

Health

Organization's international policies.

For instance

, the Ministry of

Health

in Indonesia has made several recommendations about how many fibres, carbohydrates, proteins, sodium, water, and other sources of nutrients each person should consume daily. They

also

have educated the public to make sure they know about these suggestions so they can follow them in order to keep their physical state.

On the other hand

, lack of motivation has proven to be the stem of many illnesses.

This

is why some groups of

people

think that well-being is a person’s own duty. Many

people

find it hard to control their eating habits and they

also

do not have the need to change that.

Consequently

, they consume all these unhealthy and ultra-processed foods that are extremely high in calories and harmful to the body.

For example

, recent research conducted by the University of Indonesia about their students' consumption has shown that around 76% of them do not consume enough fibre and consume refined sugar excessively every day.

To conclude

, both views provide reasonable reasons. In order to maintain physical fitness, a person is the one who needs to live well

while

governments can influence it through policies and recommendations.

Submitted by elissa223 on Sat Jan 20 2024

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task response

Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to set a strong foundation for the essay.

task response

Aim for more varied and nuanced supporting detail to enrich main points and strengthen the argument.

coherence and cohesion

Use more cohesive devices to seamlessly link ideas and paragraphs for better flow.

coherence and cohesion

Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the readability of the essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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