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as result of electronic inventions such as the computer television people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
Electronic inventions
such
 as computers, televisions, and game consoles are very entertaining.
However
, some people believe that these inventions cause less physical
activity
 and have negative effects on human health. I agree with
this
 view but not completely and I think it depends on how we
use
 them and the overuse of electronic inventions these days causes many diseases and health problems. The first reason for
this
 view is most people prefer to
use
 electrical equipment and do their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 with them and don’t like to have too much physical
activity
. Most people have cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
use
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to do anything that they can
for example
,
instead
 of going to the bank for a money transfer or paying bills
such
 as electricity, gas, water, etc. they prefer to
use
 mobile bank apps or the internet bank or contact each only with mobile phones which is not very good because they may be lost their social abilities. Another reason why I agree with
this
 opinion is children are enthusiastic about using computer or console
games
 if they
use
 these
games
 very much it may hurt their health,
for example
, they look at a monitor for hours and their eyes will weak, or when they play computer
games
 their heart bit increase and it’s very dangerous
also
 opposite of past that children play physical
games
 in these days, they haven’t more physical
activity
thus
 they will be lazy and maybe getting fat.
Further
,
electronic
Add an article
the electronic
show examples
 invention isn’t bad and harmful it refers to our usage and our lifestyle in my opinion if we
use
 balanced and normal and
besides
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that have physical
activity
 and do exercise, they will
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 and useful.
Submitted by ielapaydar on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with a clear introduction, at least two or three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure the introduction paraphrases the question and presents a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas together more effectively.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples or explanations. For every point you make, ask yourself, 'Why?' or 'How?' to make sure you explain or illustrate it with an example.
task achievement
Ensure you directly answer the question and stay on topic throughout your essay. Provide a clear position and extend your ideas fully while addressing all parts of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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