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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

#doctors #people #exercise #patients
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Sports activity supports the health of elderly
people
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, which is why doctors try to involve elderly patients in
such
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 processes. Unfortunately, many elderlies neglect that recommendation because they not only do not believe in the effectiveness of
fitness
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 but
also
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 try to avoid uncomfortable or painless experiences. There are two main solutions to
this
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 situation which will be provided in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
people
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 do not trust that sports exercises are something meaningful in their life.
In other words
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, there is some misconception that
fitness
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 can not help in terms of healing diseases. Especially,
this
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 is regular for elderly
people
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 who have not had
such
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 a positive history during their life, despite many
people
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 experiencing vivid relief during their regular sports training
such
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 as normalisation of blood pressure or recovery of back pain. One of the most important things to have a serious effect on persuading
people
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 is motivational movies of real
people
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 who recovered from serious diseases.
For instance
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,
such
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 movies as "Legend 17" or "The Time of Firsts" can stimulate
people
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 and incentivise them to regular
fitness
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.
Due to
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this
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,
such
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 encouragement can be part of a recovery program.
Secondly
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, old
people
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 have a lot of discomfort during any kind of moving. It can be problems with their bones, muscles or heart.
Thus
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, they try to avoid painless exercises which were recommended by doctors. Especially
such
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 things happen very often with
people
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 who break a bone or have some muscle trauma. One of the best solutions, in
this
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 case,
this
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 case is the well-organised process of training for the elderly.
Moreover
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,
such
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 training can be supervised by a special medicine coach.
For example
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, my mum broke her arm and during the recovery process, she visited a special medicine gymnastics class, which helped her a lot.
To sum up
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, despite special
fitness
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 exercises being quite effective for elderlies to be in better shape or recover faster, many of them do not trust or avoid uncomfortable activities.
However
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 old
people
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 can be encouraged by special motivational programs or supported by well well-managed process of training for the elderly.
Submitted by tarasovnn on

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coherence cohesion
While your arguments are generally logical, it would be beneficial to ensure that each paragraph follows a clear main idea, which should be explicitly stated in a topic sentence. This would improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to include an introduction and a conclusion that effectively summarize your main points and provide a clear response to the essay questions. The presence of these elements is good, but they need to be more concise and focused.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more developed and varied examples. While the examples of motivational movies and personal anecdote about your mother are relevant, providing additional evidence or data would strengthen your arguments and better support the main points.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Incorporate more detail on why older people may not follow an exercise routine and offer a wider range of solutions to encourage regular exercise.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, aim for more comprehensive development of ideas. Expanding on the explanations you provide and connecting them back to the question will make your essay clearer and more persuasive.
task achievement
Incorporate a variety of specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. Avoid being too general or personal; strive to use examples that a broad audience can understand and relate to.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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