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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #person #phone #access #internet #money #unemployment
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Some individuals argue that the unemployed should be provided with mobile phones connected to the Internet. It is the best method to spend taxpayers’ money on mitigating the issues of unemployment. I totally agree with
this
 belief.
First,
unemployed workers can use the internet to find career opportunities on job search sites and choose the right occupation with ease. They can get comprehensive information online about duties, required qualifications and experiences, working conditions and employee benefits. In
this
 way, it is convenient for them to judge if their qualifications are sufficient so that they can select a career aligning with their interests and competencies or enhance their skills to meet employers’ expectations.
Second,
lack of knowledge and skills is one of the reasons for unemployment. We are living in the digital era so access to knowledge is greatly improved. There are many learning platforms - Coursera, Udemy, Alison - which offer free online training courses in a wide range of fields so the unemployed can upskill themselves with the classes catering to their needs and get certificates of completion at no cost. Gaining proficiency that meets employers’ requirements makes job seekers more competitive in the job market and get hired easily. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the unemployed should be given a phone with internet access because they can research plenty of jobs online quickly and apply for a position that fits their skills and personalities.
Moreover
, there are numerous helpful learning resources online to enhance their qualifications and increase their chances of obtaining employment.
Submitted by minhtrang779.ueh on

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task achievement
Consider expanding the discussion on how exactly access to mobile phones and the Internet might reduce unemployment, including potential challenges.
coherence and cohesion
Include more transition words and phrases to enhance cohesion and guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by briefly mentioning the opposing view to provide a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides clear points and relevant examples, which enhance understanding and support the main argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are present and clearly outline the writer's position, which contributes to a coherent essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of paragraphs is maintained well, with each paragraph presenting a clear argument that relates back to the main thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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