IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country Discuss both these views and gives you opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The most
Correct article usage
Most
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 politicians commonly believe that
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of a
country
 in various aspects would be feasible if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic progression occurred.
Therefore
, most
them
Change preposition
of them
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 have set financial
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
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 their priority.
Nonetheless
, some people suppose that improvements in other
parts
 could be
also
 crucial for a society. In
this
 assay, both views and considerations will be discussed and concluding remarks will be presented
at the end
. On the one hand, some individuals, particularly
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
show examples
 in the governments, believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial progress should be the aim of budget programming annually. They allocate major
parts
 of human resources, facilities, and infrastructure
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial improvement. It seems that they would prefer to reinforce the
economy
 at the expense of postponing advances in other dimensions, ranging from education and culture to preserving the
environment
.
Furthermore
, they believe that economic progression would be the base of advancements in other
parts
 of a
country
 and could protect a society from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internal and external threats and restraints.
For instance
, there are some developing countries in the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
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 that have fully paid attention to
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 by absorbing investors in building famous towers and boosting
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry with no consideration
in
Change preposition
of
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disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 and side effects of these investments on the culture and
environment
.
On the other hand
, opponents of
this
 view suppose that concurrent developments in various aspects, including
economy
, education,
environment
, industry, and culture should be the target
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
country
 and it would be better for leaders to have a defined and comprehensive program for governing a
country
.
For example
, they point out that financial development
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be obtained only by relying on oil and fossil fuels that have harmful effects on the
environment
 and nature. They think that some
parts
 of
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 should be assigned to preserve natural resources and prevent air pollution.
Overall
, I would agree with opponents of economic progress as the main goal of a
country
. It seems that only paying attention to the
economy
 and delaying the development of other
parts
 would be associated with some disadvantages and threats in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society.
Multi directional
Add a hyphen
Multi-directional
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 developments with a comprehensive plan could guarantee the future of a nation.
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structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed with supporting details.
linking
Aim for more sophisticated linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs to achieve better cohesion.
examples
Expand on the use of specific examples to support your arguments. Real-world examples can enhance clarity and provide a stronger argument.
balance
Balance the development of both sides of the argument. Make sure to devote equal attention to discussing both views before providing your opinion.
language
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and enhance the academic tone of your essay.
task response
Address the prompt fully by ensuring that your opinion is clearly stated and elaborated upon. This is important for fully achieving the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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