All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

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In recent times, most people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
dealing with obesity worldwide. The statistics illustrate that the number of people who are affected by
this
has increased significantly and these individuals can be at any age.
This
essay will look at
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
of
this
and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of the problem is that many people nowadays eat junk food and prepared food. Despite these kinds of food
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
delicious, they contain a lot of sugar, salt and oil which can cause
another diseases
Replace the adjective
another disease
other diseases
show examples
in
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
body. Fast foods
such
as fried chicken or pizza and chips are clear-cut examples of them. The solution is for the government to raise taxes
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
them which could be an effective way to decrease overweigh problems. Another problem is that working out has become less common than before. Yet, the prices are super expensive, and
moreover
, it is the most difficult task. The way forward can be to do work out on a daily basis which makes your body fit and
also
more energetic, despite the prices. Sports
such
as
body building
Correct your spelling
bodybuilding
show examples
and swimming are popular and they are recommended by doctors these days. A third reason which leads to
overweigh
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
is related to genetics.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
show examples
of humans face
this
disease
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an early
ages
Correct the article-noun agreement
age
show examples
which they have inherited from their family. In the US,
for instance
, about 30 per cent of the society
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
coping with
this
according to
the news. To tackle
this
issue, they have to refer to the doctors in order to recommend some pills or surgery. In conclusion, obesity has become more epidemic these days and the reasons can be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diet,
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
or
genetic
Change the adjective
genetically
show examples
related,
however
, there are some effective ways to prevent
this
. In my viewpoint, governments should take
an actions
Correct the article-noun agreement
actions
an action
show examples
such
as advertising healthy diets and gyms which may encourage them and
also
raise awareness.
Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear main idea for each body paragraph and directly relate both the causes and solutions to obesity, with specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring paragraphs flow seamlessly from one to the next with clear topic sentences and appropriate use of cohesive devices.
task achievement
In your conclusion, summarize your points more effectively to demonstrate the progression of your argument.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and data to support your claims, which will enrich your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraphing to enhance readability. Each paragraph should deal with one main idea, and there should be clear distinctions between them.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
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