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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage ?

#countries #adults #parents #college #university #job #outweigh
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Whether young
adults
 should continue to live with their
parents
 after acquiring educational qualifications and jobs is a recurring debate.
This
 writer contends that the disadvantages of being over-dependent on others and weakening personal finance skills outweigh the benefits associated with the surplus in accommodation. One significant drawback of
adults
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
staying in their parental
houses
 is the adverse dependence on others. After individuals have graduated and applied for jobs successfully, they would step into a new stage of life which demands independence and
tough
Correct article usage
a tough
show examples
 mind. These factors, unfortunately, will
absent
Add a missing verb
be absent
show examples
 from the ones living with their
parents
due to
 the
regualar
Correct your spelling
regular
 presentation of
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 facilities
such
 as vehicles and accommodation which should work hard to acquire.
Hence
,
adults
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
show examples
 to stay in their parental households
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 lack of essential motives and skills to move forward. Affecting
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 financial management detrimentally is another crucial consideration. It must be recognized that people having available
houses
, which belong to their
parents
, will temporarily
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to mitigate the worry of residence.
This
also
 diminishes the motives to manage individual
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
, leading to several bad habits in daily life. A temporary example is the state of young
adults
 in America, many of them are stuck in resident dependence by wasting money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 junk gadgets, resulting in succumbing to dependent state and financial burdens.
Nevertheless
, some caregivers argue that senior citizens lingering
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 parental
houses
 have some benefits associated with the surplus in
houses
. They contend that young
adults
 persisting in their parental
residents
Fix the agreement mistake
residence
show examples
 will leave a certain amount of
houses
 which can be beneficial in solving resident shortage.
However
,
this
phenomenent
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
also
 deteriorates the quality
og
Correct your spelling
of
 individuals' lives owing to the cramped space
stems
Correct pronoun usage
that stems
show examples
 from too many people staying under the same roof at the same time. Taking all points into account, the
potiental
Correct your spelling
potential
 benefit of solving
Correct article usage
the houses
show examples
houses
Change the noun form
house
show examples
 shortage is outweighed by the excessive reliance on others and the deterioration of financial
self- sufficiency
Correct your spelling
self-sufficiency
show examples
.
Thus
,
adults
 staying with their
parents
 is not beneficial as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as harmful.
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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay, and avoid contradicting statements that may confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
To achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score, make sure to use a wider range of cohesive devices and organize your paragraphs effectively with a clear central idea in each one.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, support your arguments with more specific, relevant examples to illustrate the points you are trying to make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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