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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that range of technology currently is increasing gap between rich and poor people. Others think that it is causing opposite . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #range #technology #gap
According to
 the statement from the United Nations, especially the UNDP, the
gap
 between the rich and poor
widens
Wrong verb form
is widening
show examples
. From that, I believe that the range of
technology
gap
 between the high and low
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 enlarged. Nowadays, it can be seen that
technology
 varies more,
hence
 the prices of the types of
technology
Add a missing verb
have increases
show examples
increases
Replace the word
increased
show examples
.
For example
, the
technology
named
Verb problem
called
show examples
 VR cost more than an
android
Capitalize word
Android
show examples
phone
 year 2019, making the tech unreachable
for
Change preposition
to
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 the poor.
However
, it is understandable that some
people
views
Change the verb form
view
show examples
 that there is no
gap
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tech between the rich and poor
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they
defined
Wrong verb form
define
show examples
technology
 as a tool for communication.
In addition
, a tool for interaction may
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
 as a
phone
,
thus
 it cannot be denied that most individuals globally own a
phone
, making some
people
 argue that there is no wide trench of tech among
people
 with different social
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
. In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
 to the opposed perspective, I interpret
technology
 as a variation of
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
, ranging from
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
, tab,
Correct word choice
and VR
show examples
VR
Correct word choice
and VR
show examples
, to automatic household tools.
Furthermore
, FAO from the United Nations stated that poor
people
 around the world are struggling to eat
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, from
this
 statement only, it can be analyzed that they cannot afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart
technology
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 daily basis,
whereas
 the rich are using automatic
oven
Fix the agreement mistake
ovens
show examples
 like air
fryer
Fix the agreement mistake
fryers
show examples
 to eat. In conclusion, the improvement of
technology
is obviously expanded
Change the verb form
has obviously expanded
show examples
 the
gap
 between the rich and poor.
Submitted by asmaningrum2125 on

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task achievement
Your response presents a clear position throughout the response, but you need to develop your ideas further to provide a more in-depth analysis. Consider expanding your examples with more data or research to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and paragraphing, to better organize your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, take time to plan your essay before writing. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all your points are relevant to the task at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exacerbate the gap
  • advanced technologies
  • quality of life
  • resources
  • democratization of information
  • underprivileged
  • professional development
  • cycle of poverty
  • gig economy
  • digital divide
  • socio-economic status
  • inequality
  • charitable initiatives
  • crowdfunding
  • global cooperation
  • eradicating poverty
What to do next:
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