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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the chanages in ownership of electical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the chanages in ownership of electical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #chanages #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
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The two charts provide data on the percentage of families in an unnamed country that possessed labour-saving devices
together with
Linking Words
 the average
time
Use synonyms
 weekly on domestic chores over a one-hundred-year period. The data reveals a clear relationship between the growth in ownership of
such
Linking Words
 devices and the decreasing amount of
time
Use synonyms
 devoted to household tasks.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, as the years increase, usage of labour-saving devices
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
either
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. It can be clearly seen in 1920, the use of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
, and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 was only below 50%,
however
Linking Words
, there was a significant rise in the next 20 years,
those
Correct word choice
and those
show examples
 three appliances
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 up to 60%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 refrigerator and vacuum cleaner already reached their peak in 2000 and remained stable until 2019, washing machine has experienced a slightly decline 1980,
then
Linking Words
 went up gradually after. Aside from that, the average amount of
time
Use synonyms
 devoted to domestic chores declined moderately over the years. The trend started in 1920,
families
Rephrase
when families
show examples
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 to spend 50 hours a week
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning,
then
Linking Words
 it went down rapidly to 15 hours weekly in 1980 and remained steady until 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it decreased again until reached only 10 hours of amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent to do housework in 2019.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • appliance ownership
  • technological advancements
  • housework
  • efficiency
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • societal roles
  • gender dynamics
  • automation
  • manual labor
  • domestic chores
  • leisure time
  • quality of life
  • smart technology
  • artificial intelligence
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