IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #industries #move #areas #centres #advantage
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There is no denying the fact that moving large companies to big cities is a good idea.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it can make a fair amount of
money
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, there is
also
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 an argument that it is high risk.
This
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 essay will analyze
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, the companies will make a
lot
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 of sales because in large cities you find a
lot
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 of buyers.
In other words
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, if your company sells,
for example
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, vegetables or fruits, you will make a good number of sales; when the orders are more, you sell more.
In addition
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, it is easier to find good employees and talented people to work in your company in big cities because a good worker has a better chance of joining your place.
On the other hand
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, the rent is so expensive, and you will pay a
lot
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 of
money
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 to find a good spot. It is
also
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 possible to say that if you can’t achieve good sales for your product
while
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 paying a
lot
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 of
money
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, you will be broke and your company could fail.
Moreover
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, you may hire many workers and have to pay them, and sometimes if you have bad luck, you might get lazy workers that cost you a
lot
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 of
money
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 to fire.
For instance
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, if you give a good job to someone who never comes in early and makes a
lot
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 of mistakes, it is hard to fire them immediately; it costs too much. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that taking high risks will bring good rewards, so be ready for
this
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 struggle and you will achieve success.
Submitted by ijaly on

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Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Make sure to balance both sides of your argument equally. Providing equal weight to each perspective can enhance task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a strong structure and makes the argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You have included multiple sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
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