In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and this disadvantages of giving children this message?
In today's world, based on some cultures kids have
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
opinion
that should attempt so much to Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
get
their aims. Certainly, there Verb problem
achieve
different
benefits and drawbacks Add a missing verb
are different
about
Change preposition
to
this
believing
. In Replace the word
belief
this
essay
we discuss both points and Add a comma
essay,
further
explain it
.
first and foremost, we should mention achieving our goals in Correct pronoun usage
them
life
more and more
getting harder Correct quantifier usage
apply
due to
rough
competitions that exist among Correct article usage
the rough
children
and young people. consequently
, believing to
hard efforts and Change preposition
in
dedications
Fix the agreement mistake
dedication
in
Change preposition
to
success
path can not be wrong nowadays. Correct article usage
the success
For instance
, in
my country Change preposition
apply
that
is one of Correct pronoun usage
which
countries
Add an article
the countries
that
Correct word choice
where
children
have similar opinion
, kids usually should get higher scores in school and they Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
said
it is a certain way Wrong verb form
say
for getting
complete Change preposition
to get
admire
and Replace the word
admiration
encourage
from their parents, Replace the word
encouragement
being
popular between friends and increasing their Wrong verb form
be
self-confident
. In fact, it is good for their condition in society and Replace the word
self-confidence
further
.
On the other hand
, unfortunately, this
believe
has some disadvantages. Replace the word
belief
Children
who have this
opinion
, always feeling
a huge range of stress in their Wrong verb form
feel
life
. because, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
life
usually not treat
kindly Wrong verb form
treated
with
humans and day by day when you Change preposition
by
becoming
mature, Wrong verb form
become
their
choice and priority in Correct pronoun usage
your
life
getting
more complex. Wrong verb form
get
In addition
, this
opinion
, destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
children
worlds and childhood memories, they starting treat Change noun form
children's
Correct your spelling
jealous
jealousy
jelous
, comparing themselves with others and focus on being better Correct your spelling
jealous
instead
just
Change preposition
of just
accept
their abilities and Wrong verb form
accepting
go
their own future way
In conclusion, putting pressure on Wrong verb form
going
children
if be
enough is very beneficial but achieving everything Wrong verb form
is
by
harsh Change preposition
through
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
not
worthy always and has following bad impact on Add a missing verb
is not
adult
days.Fix the agreement mistake
adults
Submitted by kim on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, at least two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. These should each serve a clearly defined role.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively. This can include conjunctions, lexical cohesion, and referencing words.
development
Develop your main points fully. Aim to include at least one specific example for each advantage or disadvantage to illustrate your argument better.
task response
Address the task directly. Ensure that you respond to all parts of the question and stay on topic throughout your response.
grammar
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Errors can make it harder for the reader to understand your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!