IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Task 1 The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

Task 1 The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
#information #families #country #income
The given chart demonstrates the data about households in a particular country spending their weekly income between 1968 and 2018. It is interesting to note that in 1968
people
 spent
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
 to buy
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 (35%)
whereas
people
 in 2018 gave more priority to spending their
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
, almost 23%. In 1968,
people
 spent almost
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
weekly
Correct pronoun usage
their weekly
show examples
 wage to buy
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 but spent much less on accommodation (10%), compared with
people
 in 2018, almost
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of their income.
Furthermore
, in 1968, families purchased fuel and electricity over 5% and clothing and shoes
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of the whole income.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, households after 5 decades did not give as much value
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at nearly 3 - 5%, respectively. Moving to
further
 details
items
 for household and personal use were acquired for
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of
money
, about 8% in 1968. But households in 2018 spent
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 amount of
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 household
items
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 personal
items
 which were only 4%.
Finally
, the
last
 two sections which are transport fees and entertainment showed similar trends in 1968, roughly 7% - 8%. In 2018, it had grown to almost 14% on
transtort
Correct your spelling
transport
 fees and 22% on entertainment.
Overall
, it is seen that each section
valued
Add a missing verb
was valued
show examples
 differently over 50 years except
household
Change preposition
for household
show examples
items
.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, money, items with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: