IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Task 1 The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

Task 1 The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
#information #families #country #income
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The given chart demonstrates the data about households in a particular country spending their weekly income between 1968 and 2018. It is interesting to note that in 1968
people
Use synonyms
 spent
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to buy
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 (35%)
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in 2018 gave more priority to spending their
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
, almost 23%. In 1968,
people
Use synonyms
 spent almost
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
weekly
Correct pronoun usage
their weekly
show examples
 wage to buy
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 but spent much less on accommodation (10%), compared with
people
Use synonyms
 in 2018, almost
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of their income.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 1968, families purchased fuel and electricity over 5% and clothing and shoes
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of the whole income.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, households after 5 decades did not give as much value
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at nearly 3 - 5%, respectively. Moving to
further
Linking Words
 details
items
Use synonyms
 for household and personal use were acquired for
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
, about 8% in 1968. But households in 2018 spent
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 household
items
Use synonyms
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 personal
items
Use synonyms
 which were only 4%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two sections which are transport fees and entertainment showed similar trends in 1968, roughly 7% - 8%. In 2018, it had grown to almost 14% on
transtort
Correct your spelling
transport
 fees and 22% on entertainment.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is seen that each section
valued
Add a missing verb
was valued
show examples
 differently over 50 years except
household
Change preposition
for household
show examples
items
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, money, items with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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