The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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of Tinokah people in PT Bridgestone Sumatra Rubber Estate Plantation area in Sipispis (“BSRE”) To follow up
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video conference meeting on November 24, 2023 dan the meeting with PT. Bridgestone Sumatra Rubber Estate on December 13, 2023, herewith we offer
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Task Achievement
The text provided does not correspond to the topic given. It seems to be a letter concerning legal services rather than an essay discussing childhood obesity and its causes. For the IELTS task, it is crucial to address the prompt directly and develop a relevant response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The text lacks coherence and cohesion as an IELTS essay because it does not present a clear introduction, body paragraphs, or conclusion focused on the topic of overweight children. To improve your score, make sure your essay has a clear structure and logical flow of ideas that relate to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • developed countries
  • fast food outlets
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • calories
  • fat
  • sugar
  • weight gain
  • convenience
  • affordability
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating habits
  • socioeconomic status
  • access to
  • government policies
  • regulations
  • advertising restrictions
  • holistic approach
  • intervention
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