The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #countries #people #food #outlets #parents #children’s #health

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alleged

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criminal

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of illegal possession in

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area, criminal damage

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conducted by

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of Tinokah people in PT Bridgestone Sumatra Rubber Estate Plantation area in Sipispis (“BSRE”) To follow up

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video conference meeting on November 24, 2023 dan the meeting with PT. Bridgestone Sumatra Rubber Estate on December 13, 2023, herewith we offer

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Services Proposal to handle criminal cases

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, and legal fees to handle criminal cases

Submitted by talubis on Sun Jan 21 2024

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Task Achievement

The text provided does not correspond to the topic given. It seems to be a letter concerning legal services rather than an essay discussing childhood obesity and its causes. For the IELTS task, it is crucial to address the prompt directly and develop a relevant response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The text lacks coherence and cohesion as an IELTS essay because it does not present a clear introduction, body paragraphs, or conclusion focused on the topic of overweight children. To improve your score, make sure your essay has a clear structure and logical flow of ideas that relate to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

107 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
developed countries
fast food outlets
sedentary lifestyle
calories
fat
sugar
weight gain
convenience
affordability
nutrition
healthy eating habits
socioeconomic status
access to
government policies
regulations
advertising restrictions
holistic approach
intervention

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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think that it is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believed that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?