Many people see animals as tools to be used by humans to better their lives. They believe animals should help feed us and keep us healthy by being subjects to experiments that will lead to new medications and medical processes. Others believe that animals should have the same rights to a good life as humans. Discuss both views and state your own.

Ketika
binatang
digunakan untuk membantu
manusia
dalam mendukung kehidupannya
adalah
suatu fakta
yang
tidak
dapat
ditolak apalagi sampai disebutkan
binatang
adalah
sumber daya alami
yang
dapat
memberikan kehidupan kepada
manusia
,
akan
tetapi bukan berarti bintang secara dieksploitasi tanpa batas hingga memberikan keburukan kepada mereka, pemikiran ini tentu saja salah dan
tidak
dapat
dibenarkan. pemanfaatan
binatang
sebagai sumber pemenuhan kehidupan
manusia
harus dilakukan secara efesien mungkin tanpa mengeksploitasi mereka secara berlebihan. Di sisi lain
binatang
memiliki
hak untuk
hidup
,
akan
tetapi tidaklah sama seperti
manusia
.
Hewan
dan
manusia
adalah
makhluk
hidup
yang
berbeda di
banyak
hal, ketika
hewan
dibiarkan
hidup
sebagaimana layaknya
manusia
maka kekhawatiran
populasi
hewan
lebih
banyak
dari
pada
manusia
akan
terjadi dan hal ini
akan
berdampak
pada
ketidakseimbangan kehidupan. Bayangkan apabila suatu daerah
memiliki
populasi
hewann
lebih
tinggi dari
pada
manusia
yang
pada
akhirnya menyebabkan
manusia
tidak
lagi
memiliki
tempat tinggal. Membiarkan
populasi
hewan
lebih
banyak
dari
pada
manusia
adalah
suatu hal
yang
buruk karena
hewan
tidak
memiliki
fungsi otak seperti
manusia
yang
dapat
dimanfaatkan dengan baik demi kemajuan teknologi. Oleh karena itu membiarkan
hewan
untuk
hidup
dapat
dilakukan dengan membatasi
populasi
mereka berkembang
lebih
banyak
dengan cara menjadikannya sumber penghidupan
manusia
. When
animals
are used to support human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
for life is a fact that can't be objected
moreover
animals
are natural resources for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
to live, but they can't be exploited
untill
Correct your spelling
until
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impact
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
to them.
This
tought
Correct your spelling
thought
taught
tough
can't be accepted, the use of
animals
as natural resources to support human life must be applied efficiently without
exploit
Change the verb form
exploiting
show examples
them.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
animals
have
rigts
Correct your spelling
rights
to live but it is not as same as
Add an article
a human
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
and
animals
are different living things, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
live
likes
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
hence
the anxiety of
Correct article usage
the animals
show examples
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
population
is greater than
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
thereupon
unbalance
Wrong verb form
unbalanced
show examples
situation comes and
give
Verb problem
has
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
How
Correct word choice
What
show examples
if one place has
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
population
than
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
? letting
animals
Correct article usage
the animals
show examples
population
is higher than
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
thing because
animals
do not have
brais
Correct your spelling
brains
to
be function
Change the verb form
function
show examples
as like
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
which can be used for technology
expanding
Replace the word
expansion
show examples
. Because of that, letting
animals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
life by restriction their
population
by making them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human natural resources
Submitted by talubis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure you introduce the topic clearly, outlining the discussion points briefly. Then, you must separate your essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph discussing a single main point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea, and conclude with a summarizing or concluding sentence that reflects on the paragraph's content.
task achievement
For full task achievement, you should make sure to discuss both views on the topic, providing a balanced argument for each, along with relevant and specific examples. Furthermore, stating your own opinion on the subject is essential, ideally in the conclusion, after outlining the arguments for both sides throughout the essay.
language
The language and grammar you use must be accurate and varied. Avoid run-on sentences and check that your tenses, sentence structures, and vocabulary are correctly used. Keeping sentences grammatically simple can sometimes help in maintaining clarity and coherence in your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: