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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph shows data about the annual earnnings of 3 bakeries in calgary in 2000-2010

the graph shows data about the annual earnnings of 3 bakeries in calgary in 2000-2010
The line
graps
Correct your spelling
graphs
graph
 depicts information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
show examples
earnnings
Correct your spelling
earnings
 of 3 bakeries in
calgary
Change the capitalization
Calgary
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 for Amandine Bakery
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the years and Mari Bakeshop face some fluctuation until
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
. From 2000 to 2005 the amount of yearly income for Amandine Bakery
was remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 constant
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until it increased steadily
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 to 2007
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 more than 6.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 from 2017 to 2008, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
noticeably rose
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 less than 100.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the income
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 increased gradually until 2010
hit
Wrong verb form
hitting
show examples
 more than 100.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, Bolo Cakery stood from 2000 with 2.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated from 2000 to 2002 about more than 2.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
the number increased
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 until hit nearly 4.000 $ in 2003.
However
Linking Words
, after those changes
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 number
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 flat
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until it is decreased gradually in 2006.
Then
Linking Words
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically from 2006 until 2008
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more than 6.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 were slightly increased to 2010 and
finally
Linking Words
 hit around more than 6.000 $.
Laslty
Correct your spelling
Lastly
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 for Mari Bakeshop have huge differences from the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 bakeries. In 2000 the number still increased around less than 100.000 $ per
year
Use synonyms
. But, from
then
Linking Words
 the
trend
Use synonyms
 was downward until 2010
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4.000 $.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, from 2003 to 2008 the income faced some fluctuation, until they
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 decreasing
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2009.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual earnings
  • trend
  • revenue
  • profit
  • fluctuations
  • significant
  • increase/decrease
  • peak
  • diverge/converge
  • strategy
  • market environment
  • competition
  • growth
  • performance
  • analysis
  • speculation
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