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Band 5

Some people believe that studying history is very important and we must study the past to understand the present. Others say that it is useless and should not be studied at all. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #study
In some countries,
history
 has always been one of the basic lessons that elementary students need to learn throughout their elementary school
years
.
While
 it is true that acknowledging the past can make people understand the weight of the present and future, some people think the subject is not relevant to how the world revolves around
now
Correct pronoun usage
it now
show examples
. Looking at the useless perspective
firstly
, some might say that recognizing the cause and effect
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the phenomenon that was done in the past will not be helpful anymore as it is irrelevant to how the way things work in
this
 time of day.
In addition
 to that, the improvement of healthcare, technology, business, and the reconstruction of policies around the world makes it hard for the public to realize how studying
history
 can significantly affect their daily lives.
However
, a portion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society would say that understanding
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the earlier
years
' resolutions toward things might be able to teach us how to improve the efficiency of our approach towards all kinds of problems in our lives.
For example
, the basics of human rights have improved in their implementations over the
years
 with the help of several movements of breaking the boundaries.
This
 development surely cannot be done without knowing the misconduct
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the minorities that had been going down for
years
 before.
Subsequently
,
this
 movement led to another upbringing
acts
Correct subject-verb agreement
act
show examples
 that has been giving a lot of benefits to lots of communities. Weighing up both sides of the issue, my personal view relies more on the former opinion. I believe that it is imperative to learn
history
 because not only we can recognize the efforts our ancestors'
gave
Verb problem
made
show examples
 to make the world we are living
right
Change preposition
in right
show examples
 now, but we can
also
 learn from their mistakes and do something about it up until now.
Therefore
, studying
history
 can hugely be
advantagous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for all kinds of improvements being made in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 ahead.
Submitted by mayfa.shadrina on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay includes a clear introduction that sets the context and states your opinion, alongside a conclusion that summarises your arguments and reiterates your stance. Try to have at least one clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to establish its main idea.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples and details that demonstrate the significance of studying history. These examples can come from general knowledge, acknowledged historical events, or even hypothetical scenarios that clearly show the relevance of history to address the concerns of those who deem it unnecessary.
task achievement
When discussing both views, provide balanced coverage and analysis. While your opinion is valuable, IELTS essays need to systematically address all parts of the prompt. Additionally, be sure to articulate your own perspective more impactfully, possibly through a separate paragraph before the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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