People are surrounded by advertising which has an increasing effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?

In modern times, technology has a strong effect on
people
's lives. Especially, advertisements which spread
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere. Some
people
believe that advertisement has many
drwbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others including myself
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opin that the benefits of
this
trend outweigh the negative points. On the
one
hand, there are some drawbacks to watching these promotions. The first
one
is advertising forces children or teenagers to buy the products that the celebrities have .
As a result
,
this
pesters the parents .The second
one
is that the advertising appears in the middle
while
using any programs ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
prevent
people
from enjoying these applications. The
last
one
is to lead
people
to follow
un healthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
they want to try every fast food
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in advertisements.
On the other hand
, it has more benefits associated with
this
phenomenon. The most important
one
is that advertising supports companies to show their goods and services
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere around the world and
this
helps to convince
people
to buy their products.
For example
, there is a study showing that around 80./.
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies are successful
due to
their advertising.
Moreover
, advertisements serve as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
of raising awareness about any social issue.
For example
, increase
people
's awareness about The dangers of smoking. In conclusion,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
no doubt there are few disadvantages associated with the announcements but the advertisement are more beneficial to the society.
Submitted by itssaralshaibani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your position. Use a thesis statement to summarize your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point with a clear topic sentence followed by an explanation and/or example. Ensure paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Avoid generic statements by giving concrete evidence or studies where possible.
language
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to ensure clarity and understanding. Consistently check for punctuation and sentence structure errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: