Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

#promotion #drives #people #work #workplace #factors #influence

The main reason why

people

work

hard in the workplace is they have opportunities for advancement. I think

people

who have

such

passion do that because of the reward they can gain through being promoted,

such

as an increased salary and a higher position.I will express why these are the reasons and what

also

influences workers to

work

hard.

Firstly

, employees being promoted in a company means they can receive better remuneration. Since our income determines the quality of our life, an increased remuneration can give us more chances to improve our living.

For instance

, we can choose healthier foods and more comfortable accommodations when we have a better income.

Secondly

, there are distinct grades in a corporation and having a promotion to a superior status can give workers more power. Gaining power is an instinct of human beings,

therefore

, pride is captured by humans when they have higher power.

Besides

, I think the

satisfaction

of achievement can

also

be the motivation that drives

people

work

hard. Accomplishing jobs successfully is a resource of

satisfaction

people

can obtain happiness after tackling the challenges and what's more, improve their confidence.

In addition

, being promoted by superiors means your working skills are recognized,

this

is another resource of

satisfaction

. Imagine you are one of the many in a company and you are the one who gets promoted, that means your capacities are more appreciated. In conclusion,

people

work

hard to get promotions for salary and positions.

Moreover

, gaining

satisfaction

from

work

and being recognized by others are

also

the reasons.

Submitted by ffff815 on Sun Jan 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the argument coherently. However, the transition between ideas could be improved for better logical flow.

Coherence and Cohesion

The main points are supported with explanations. To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases.

Task Achievement

The response covers relevant points in relation to the question but could further elaborate on the 'other factors' that influence hard work. Include a more diverse range of examples and explore other motivations beyond promotions.

Task Achievement

While ideas are clear, they could be explained in a more comprehensive and detailed manner. Deepen the analysis of the motivation behind seeking promotions.

Task Achievement

The use of examples is basic and could be more specific and varied to reinforce the points made. Including case studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence would make the argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Your English-speaking friend has asked for your help with a college project he/she is doing about celebrating New Year in different countries. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • say how important New Year is to people in your country • describe how New Year is celebrated in your country • explain what you like about New Year celebrations in your countryYour English-speaking friend has asked for your help with a college project he/she is doing about celebrating New Year in different countries. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • say how important New Year is to people in your country • describe how New Year is celebrated in your country • explain what you like about New Year celebrations in your country
I am writing about the topic of traditional Chines New Year celebration.
6.5
band
In the few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, people have different views about whether studying history can assist them in understanding the present times or the history of the past does not make any sense. Personally, although communities have the right to learn historical information or not, I completely believe that by knowing their past society can gain some benefits.
6
band
Reserarch show that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. what is the causes of this ? what can be done ?
There are two kinds of activities that are healthy and unhealthy, but millions of individuals practice bad activities such as watching movies or playing video games. I will explain why many people prefer unhealthy activities more than healthy activities and some solutions for this problem.
4.5
band
In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
In any country traditional celebrations and festivals have disappeared or in the process. The main problem this causes is the possibility disappearing of official language of the country and the most viable solution is just keeping national traditions and language.
7.5
band
Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.
In the modernized and developing world, people have more and more opportunities to choose from every perspective. There are almost so many alternatives in every field that sometimes people find it difficult to choose. There are numerous reasons for this.

Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

Reserarch show that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. what is the causes of this ? what can be done ?

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.