Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

#promotion #drives #people #work #workplace #factors #influence

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The main reason why

people

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

hard in the workplace is they have opportunities for advancement. I think

people

Use synonyms

who have

such

Linking Words

passion do that because of the reward they can gain through being promoted,

such

Linking Words

as an increased salary and a higher position.I will express why these are the reasons and what

also

Linking Words

influences workers to

work

Use synonyms

hard.

Firstly

Linking Words

, employees being promoted in a company means they can receive better remuneration. Since our income determines the quality of our life, an increased remuneration can give us more chances to improve our living.

For instance

Linking Words

, we can choose healthier foods and more comfortable accommodations when we have a better income.

Secondly

Linking Words

, there are distinct grades in a corporation and having a promotion to a superior status can give workers more power. Gaining power is an instinct of human beings,

therefore

Linking Words

, pride is captured by humans when they have higher power.

Besides

Linking Words

, I think the

satisfaction

Use synonyms

of achievement can

also

Linking Words

be the motivation that drives

people

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

hard. Accomplishing jobs successfully is a resource of

satisfaction

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

can obtain happiness after tackling the challenges and what's more, improve their confidence.

In addition

Linking Words

, being promoted by superiors means your working skills are recognized,

this

Linking Words

is another resource of

satisfaction

Use synonyms

. Imagine you are one of the many in a company and you are the one who gets promoted, that means your capacities are more appreciated. In conclusion,

people

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

hard to get promotions for salary and positions.

Moreover

Linking Words

, gaining

satisfaction

Use synonyms

from

work

Use synonyms

and being recognized by others are

also

Linking Words

the reasons.

Submitted by ffff815 on Sun Jan 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the argument coherently. However, the transition between ideas could be improved for better logical flow.

Coherence and Cohesion

The main points are supported with explanations. To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases.

Task Achievement

The response covers relevant points in relation to the question but could further elaborate on the 'other factors' that influence hard work. Include a more diverse range of examples and explore other motivations beyond promotions.

Task Achievement

While ideas are clear, they could be explained in a more comprehensive and detailed manner. Deepen the analysis of the motivation behind seeking promotions.

Task Achievement

The use of examples is basic and could be more specific and varied to reinforce the points made. Including case studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence would make the argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Governments in many countries are replacing old buildings such as art galleries and town halls with new ones. Is this a positive or a negative development?
In a lot of countries, governments are replacing old buildings like art galleries and town halls with new buildings. I personally believe that it is a negative development because art galleries and town halls are heritage properties, and if they are replaced, the city will lose its identity. Moreover, tourists will not become interested in visiting those cities.
8
band
Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Modern children's minds have been exposed to additional technological pressure over the last decade, especially with mobile phones. There are different points of view on the issue. Some believe that the pros greatly outweigh the drawbacks. Despite the potential benefits, it is agreed that spending so much time with smartphones tends to be a negative development. This essay will shed some light on the main reasons for phones' popularity and provide examples to support the thesis.
7.5
band
There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter -Describe the complaints that have been made -Say why the reception area is important -Suggest how the reception area could be improved
I am writing this letter to impart my thoughts on the improvement of the welcome area in our organization.
6.5
band
There have been many inventions in human history, such as wheels. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There have been a number of inventions including wheels created by people in history. It is often believed that the Internet is the most significant of all. I partially disagree with this, for other electric machines such as air-conditioners are more crucial for the survival of people regardless of the fact that the Internet has led to the arrival of the information era.
6
band
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the enviroment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?
Deforestation has now become one of the biggest factors why earth is experiencing global warming. This human activity happened due to having no land to build residential or entertainment areas, which forced them to do logging. However, this does not mean it is a good idea to do a forest clearance.

Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Governments in many countries are replacing old buildings such as art galleries and town halls with new ones. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

There have been many inventions in human history, such as wheels. Some people think the most important thing is the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the enviroment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?