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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #australian #school #leavers #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagrams illustrate the percentage of
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
finish
Wrong verb form
finished
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 study in secondary school who got a job, are unemployed and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 learning in three time periods, 1980, 1990,
2000
Correct word choice
and 2000
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 graduates in 1980 accounted for the highest number of higher education. The number of students
got
Correct pronoun usage
who got
show examples
 a job slightly increased each year.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, continued
to
Verb problem
apply
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study was the main trend in 1980 with half of the total number. Big gap compared with 38
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1980 and 37
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000.
then
Linking Words
 dropped to 38
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the next 10 years . What’s more, those who got a job were two-fifths
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and grew gradually to 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 55
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively in 1980 and 2000. As regards remaining data, pupils who were jobless made up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000, which was lower than the same figure in 1980. Graduates out of work occupied 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and increased a mere 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the year 1980
then
Linking Words
 witnessed a reduction in 2000 and stayed at 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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