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Band 7

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\
Toys
 have always become a source of entertainment for
children
.
Therefore
,
parents
 love to buy gifts and
toys
 for their
children
 even though, in some cases,
parents
 buy
toys
 excessively.
While
 some people think
this
 is beneficial, I think there are
also
 some drawbacks for some reasons that are set out below. Nowadays, gifts are given to
children
 as a symbol of a reward and most of the gifts include
toys
. Sometimes,
parents
 give their
children
 too many
toys
 to play with. Despite
parents
 having to spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
toys
,
children
 have a variety of choices to choose the form of entertainment for themselves
as well as
 educating them.
For example
,
toys
such
 as puzzles and crafting legos can help develop their motoric skills and enhance their creativity. Even though many
toys
 give many choices for the
children
 to pick, these habits can decrease their sense of appreciation. When they get too many
toys
, they tend to get bored easily from one toy to another.
As a result
, they will not learn how to show care and appreciation for materialistic things because they know that whenever they get bored, their
parents
 will buy them more
toys
 to play with.
Moreover
,
this
 type of parenting can increase the possibility of raising a spoiled child
due to
 giving many rewards and
toys
.
To conclude
,
although
 providing many
children
 with
toys
 seems to be good, I believe that it is better to limit their
toys
 to teach them how to appreciate
toys
.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
While the essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of giving children many toys, you could elaborate further on each point to provide more depth. For example, mention how children might develop better sharing skills or teamwork when they have multiple toys to play with others.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking phrases to make the transitions between ideas clearer. For example, when introducing disadvantages, you might start with 'On the other hand,' or 'However,'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, nicely framing the discussion.
task achievement
You've provided a thoughtful analysis of both the positive and negative aspects of giving children many toys, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with different paragraphs clearly dedicated to different points. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhanced creativity
  • motor skill development
  • educational benefits
  • social skills
  • overstimulation
  • cognitive abilities
  • fine motor skills
  • gross motor skills
  • sharing and cooperation
  • shorter attention spans
  • lack of value
  • gratitude and appreciation
  • environmental impact
  • non-recyclable materials
  • materialistic values
  • sense of entitlement
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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