Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\

Toys

have always become a source of entertainment for

children

Therefore

parents

love to buy gifts and

toys

for their

children

even though, in some cases,

parents

buy

toys

excessively.

While

some people think

this

is beneficial, I think there are

also

some drawbacks for some reasons that are set out below. Nowadays, gifts are given to

children

as a symbol of a reward and most of the gifts include

toys

. Sometimes,

parents

give their

children

too many

toys

to play with. Despite

parents

having to spend more money

for

Change preposition

show examples

toys

children

have a variety of choices to choose the form of entertainment for themselves

as well as

educating them.

For example

toys

such

as puzzles and crafting legos can help develop their motoric skills and enhance their creativity. Even though many

toys

give many choices for the

children

to pick, these habits can decrease their sense of appreciation. When they get too many

toys

, they tend to get bored easily from one toy to another.

As a result

, they will not learn how to show care and appreciation for materialistic things because they know that whenever they get bored, their

parents

will buy them more

toys

to play with.

Moreover

this

type of parenting can increase the possibility of raising a spoiled child

due to

giving many rewards and

toys

To conclude

although

providing many

children

with

toys

seems to be good, I believe that it is better to limit their

toys

to teach them how to appreciate

toys

Submitted by kelly on Wed Jun 26 2024

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task achievement

While the essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of giving children many toys, you could elaborate further on each point to provide more depth. For example, mention how children might develop better sharing skills or teamwork when they have multiple toys to play with others.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking phrases to make the transitions between ideas clearer. For example, when introducing disadvantages, you might start with 'On the other hand,' or 'However,'.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, nicely framing the discussion.

task achievement

You've provided a thoughtful analysis of both the positive and negative aspects of giving children many toys, showing a balanced perspective.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with different paragraphs clearly dedicated to different points. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enhanced creativity
motor skill development
educational benefits
social skills
overstimulation
cognitive abilities
fine motor skills
gross motor skills
sharing and cooperation
shorter attention spans
lack of value
gratitude and appreciation
environmental impact
non-recyclable materials
materialistic values
sense of entitlement

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Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

TASK 1 the process below shows how drinking water is made using solar power.

Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? Is this a positive development or a negative development?

In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative development