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Writing Samples
Band 5

Lack of fresh is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome this problem?

#lack #importance #shortage #measures
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The high cost of modern pharmaceuticals means
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in poorer
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are unable to benefit from them. I would argue that drug companies have a moral obligation to make their products available to these
people
 and that there are other agencies that can help. Over the
last
 few decades, there has been a dramatic improvement in medicine that has radically changed the treatment of many life-threatening diseases.
While
drug
Correct article usage
the drug
show examples
 community
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
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 from treating these diseases, the fact that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 in poor society
are
Change the verb form
is
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 unable to pay for these treatments has created an unacceptable degree of inequality in global access to health care. I would argue that drug companies have a responsibility to be more ethical and to address
this
 inequality by offering cheaper generic versions of their medicines in countries that cannot afford to pay the full price.
This
 has recently been implemented with the treatment of HIV and AIDS in some African countries, saving the lives of millions of
people
.
However
, I
also
 believe that there are others who have a role to play in giving poor
people
 access to drugs.
For example
,
rich
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the rich
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 crowd could be encouraged to donate to charities to help
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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 land. An example of
this
 was seen recently when Bill Gates spent vast sums of money to set up immunisation projects in Africa.
In addition
 to wealthy individuals, governments could
also
 donate aid and medical supplies. In conclusion, I would argue that it is immoral for
people
 to be dying
as a result
 of inequality. The value of human life should be universal and it should be the responsibility of the richer group, individuals and governments to ensure that access encompasses everyone.
Submitted by palvdori on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you are fully addressing the prompt and providing a complete response to all parts of the question. Integrate more comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the main topic and provide a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly and using paragraphs effectively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and that the points are supported with relevant examples or explanations. Transition words should be used to connect ideas smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fresh produce
  • Sustainability
  • Desertification
  • Agricultural yields
  • Hydroponics
  • Organic farming
  • Food deserts
  • Aquaponics
  • Crop rotation
  • Climate change
  • Malnutrition
  • Food security
  • Subsistence farming
  • Genetically modified organisms (GMOs)
  • Agribusiness
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