Many university graduates connot find a job in their chosen profession. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

More and more people find it difficult to get a job
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
they want after graduating a university. There are several factors that explain
this
phenomenon.
This
essay will examine some reasons why it is hard to find a job and suggest possible solutions
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
it. First of all, corporates that provide good employment conditions
such
as a high salary,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
wide range of perks are not as many as we expect, so the competition to enter them is becoming more challenging.
For example
, nearly half of the companies in Korea do not offer moderate
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
compared to
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
of living,
therefore
many college graduates do not prefer to apply to them. I think the government should take
actions
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action
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to improve the working conditions of organisations by providing subsidies or delivering
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
.
Secondly
, the perception in our society that
counts
Verb problem
apply
show examples
white-collar
jobs
more than blue-collar
jobs
has influenced the job preference of university graduates.
Therefore
the skyrocketed demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
certain
jobs
makes it more difficult to start their careers where they want.
For example
,
currently
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currently,
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the number of people who are willing to become a civil servant extremely has increased in Korea, so just one candidate out of 200 can be hired. I deem that education can help to alleviate
this
problem,
strenthening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
vocational education for children to have
balanced
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a balanced
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view of all professions.
To sum up
,
although
these are the only factors,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
business and social aspects resulted in the issues in the employment market. I proposed that the appropriate government measure to boost the
overall
working conditions and the educational effort to make with less
discriminate
Replace the word
discriminatory
show examples
society on
jobs
are required.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
For task achievement: The response addresses the task only partially. It would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the causes and proposed solutions, and the inclusion of more specific, relevant examples to support the points made. The essay should aim to fully satisfy the requirements of the task, with a clear position that is relevant throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mismatch
  • Oversupply
  • Obsolete
  • Practical experience
  • Vocational training
  • Global economic fluctuations
  • Automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Curriculum
  • Real-world experience
  • Co-op programs
  • Re-skilling
  • Up-skilling
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Self-employment
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Labor market trends
  • Emerging industries
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