IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

#people #copy #behavior #clothes #be #case
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It is clear that
 some youngsters tend to imitate the words,
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and outfits of celebrities nowadays. Generally speaking, there are several reasons behind
this
 phenomenon, and it may bring forth some negative implications
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our society at large. By all accounts,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation's inclination to copy the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and clothes of famous
people
 has some
backgrounds
Fix the agreement mistake
background
show examples
. For starters, the
media
exert
Correct subject-verb agreement
exerts
show examples
 a significant influence on their preferences, showing ideal
image
Fix the agreement mistake
images
show examples
 and
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 of beauty continuously.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer
pressure
 makes them follow what others consider as a desirable way, which encourages them
persuit
Verb problem
to pursue
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 the latest trend
leading
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 by popular
people
 without independent and conscious
decision
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decisions
show examples
. In order to avoid being ostracized from their peer group, they don't have
choice
Add an article
a choice
show examples
 but to copy what their friends prefer. With all due consideration,
this
 trend
woud
Correct your spelling
would
 yield detrimental effects. Essentially speaking, the standard of appearance could be uniform by social
media
 provoking the standardized form of behavior and outfits.
As a consequence
, young
people
 feel
pressure
 to be always attractive, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 eating disorders and depression.
For example
,
according to
 the
bata
Correct your spelling
data
show examples
 from the Ministry of Health and Welfare in South Korea, a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 of youth reported that they get
pressure
 from the mass
media
 and a similar-aged group to conform to the social trend.
Furthermore
,
this
 phenomenon would
discourge
Correct your spelling
discourage
 young
people
to express
Change preposition
from expressing
show examples
 their opinion and personality, leading to our society becoming more uniform and standardized. In conclusion, the tendency of youth to imitate celebrities is attributable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer
pressure
, and
this
 issue could pose a lot of challenges to themselves and our society like a uniform norm of appearance and mental disorders.
Submitted by ssm921 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
Enhance task achievement by fully developing your ideas in each paragraph and ensuring that all parts of the task are directly addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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