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Band 4.5

Childcare is important. Both parents should attend childcare courses To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#childcare #parents #courses
Taking
care
 of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 is a really relevant topic for
owr
Correct your spelling
our
 society. Nowadays, there are
avalable
Correct your spelling
available
 a lot of courses to study on how to
care
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
child
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 people believe that doing
this
 is important for those who want to be
parents
. As I strongly agree with
this
 point of view,
this
 essay will
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 some reasons for that.
Firstly
, childcare is important because the
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 of today are going to be the adults in the future, so kids are a relevant part of
owr
Correct your spelling
our
 society. The education and
care
 that young people
receives
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receive
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood are
determinant
Fix the agreement mistake
determinants
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 lives.
Thus
, the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
care
 can affect
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
charecter
Correct your spelling
character
 and
behaivors
Correct your spelling
behaviours
behaviour
 in the long term.
For example
,
psicology
Correct your spelling
psychology
 already knows that almost
traumas
Correct determiner usage
all traumas
show examples
 that a person has
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
show examples
 with a trigger of something that
hapned
Correct your spelling
happened
 in childhood or with the
parents
.
Secondly
, I believe that
parents
 should attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
courses to learn the best practices of childcare.
Because
Change preposition
By
show examples
 doing
this
 kind of
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
, the mother and the father will know how to lead diverse types of questions unknown
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will give medical,
psicological
Correct your spelling
psychological
an
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and
show examples
 scientific
embasement
Correct your spelling
assessments
 to choose the best
pratices
Correct your spelling
practices
 for it.
For instance
, is important to know the best age to introduce some foods or the best age to
allows
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 the kids
watching
Wrong verb form
to watch
show examples
 TV.
Moreover
, it is important to highlight that both the mother and the father
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 do the course.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 common to see the belief that only the mother needs to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
paternality
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paternalism
paternity
paternally
, but both
parents
 have
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to
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for
show examples
 the
sons
Change to a genitive case
son's
sons'
show examples
 education.
To conclude
, childcare is a very important subject, as it has a big influence
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the future life of the kids and courses of
chilcare
Correct your spelling
childcare
 should be a normal
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
altitude
aptitude
 for both
parents
 to
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 the best practices.
Submitted by danielejaegger on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas.
task achievement
Stay on topic throughout the essay and ensure you fully answer the question. Develop your main points with relevant, clear examples and explanations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare
  • Parenting skills
  • Gender equality
  • Child development
  • Co-parenting
  • Work-life balance
  • Cognitive and emotional growth
  • Parental involvement
  • Early childhood education
  • Mandatory courses
  • Support systems
  • Family dynamics
  • Nurturing environment
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