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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the proportions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit.

The pie charts below show the proportions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit.
#show #proportions #visits #ireland #year #age #group #gender #type #visit
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The pie charts give information about tourist’s age group, gender and type of visit to Ireland for
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of women and men spent most of their time on leisure activities rather than
business
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the majority of young people or those who did not reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement age had the largest proportion of visitors . Now, turning to the details, the first pie chart shows that 45-54
year
Use synonyms
 old people are the biggest group making up about 45-54 per
cent
Use synonyms
 . Next , the second largest group are 25-34
year
Use synonyms
 old tourists , who contribute 23 per
cent
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 , followed by 35-44
year
Use synonyms
 old people with 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
 , the rest of the age groups
ranked
Correct your spelling
ranged
show examples
 from 6% to 11%. It is obvious that
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 ,
business
Use synonyms
 trips to Ireland were more popular among men than women ( 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively). The
business
Use synonyms
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 by women received a very small proportion of visitors , compared to the moderate amount of men’s
business
Use synonyms
 visits.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, business, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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