IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

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In modern times,
tourism
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 has become a key factor for day-to-day activities where there are those who say that a significant income source is from
tourism
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,
while
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 others feel that we are worse off because of the issue. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the positive aspects and drawbacks of
tourism
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 and provide my
overall
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 opinion. Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why the
tourism
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 industry boosts the country’s economy and a large
number
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 of new job openings for the local people.
Firstly
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,
tourists
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 spend money on a wide range of services, including hotels, amusements, transportation, food, and medical services.
This
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 way,
tourism
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 yields an additional income, greatly supporting the country’s economy.
Secondly
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,
tourism
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 increases the level of employment by bringing new jobs.
For instance
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, the influx of
tourists
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 results in a larger demand for restaurant workers, tour guides, hotel staff and employees of retail services, exhorting business owners to hire more people for these positions.
On the other hand
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,
tourism
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also
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 has some major disadvantages like the destruction of popular tourist destinations and the development of illegal economic activities. Ancient buildings, temples and monuments struggle to cope with a vast amount of visitor traffic and get damaged.
Also
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, the large
number
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 of
tourists
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 can cause environmental problems.
For instance
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, when places of interest are overcrowded, natural resources often become overexploited. What’s more, the presence of a considerable
number
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 of
tourists
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 with a lot of money to spend, and often carrying valuables
such
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 as cameras and jewellery, increases the attraction for criminals and brings with it activities like robbery and drug dealing.
To conclude
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,
although
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tourism
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 can have certain negative effects like destructive impact and growth of crime rate, it has an extremely positive influence on the country’s economy and provides a large
number
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 of new jobs for the local people. I believe that these benefits of
tourism
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 outweigh its drawbacks.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the response to the question, earning it a higher score for introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure a thesis statement is clearly presented and the conclusion summarises the main points more effectively.
logical structure
Work on developing more complex logical structures by creating better transitions between ideas. You could achieve this by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, paragraphs should clearly separate ideas and clearly address advantages in one, and disadvantages in another, for enhanced clarity.
supported main points
You could improve the supported main points score by delving deeper into each point with more detail and further development of your arguments.
complete response
Provide a more throughout response by exploring the task question from all relevant perspectives and ensuring a balanced argumentative essay structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
While the ideas are generally clear, they can be communicated more effectively. Ensure each paragraph elaborates on a single clear idea, supporting it with more specific, detailed, and developed examples.
relevant specific examples
When making claims, substantiate them with more specific examples and evidence. This could include case studies, statistics, or citing reliable sources that would lend credibility to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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