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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

he tables above demonstrate the number of international students. Compare them

he tables above demonstrate the number of international students. Compare them
The tables above demonstrate the
number
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 of international
students
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 who study in
Canada
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 and in the
USA
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 based on the country of origin between 2002 and 2003. In
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Canada
Add a comma
Canada,
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 the most significant change occurred
within
Change preposition
among
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 Chinese
students
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, as their
number
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 increased by 45%
accordingly
Linking Words
. Closely following the Chinese
students
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, the proportion of
Indian
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students
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also
Linking Words
 had grown by 35% in one year. The smallest percentage change can be mentioned among
students
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the
USA
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, just
9
Correct article usage
a 9
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% increase. The proportion of
students
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 in the
USA
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 is noticeably higher than in
Canada
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.
However
Linking Words
, the change in
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
Indian
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students
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 in
Canada
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 was significantly higher (up to 35%)
while
Linking Words
total
Change the article
a total
the total
show examples
number
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 of
Indian
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students
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 in the
USA
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 was ten times higher. The only reduction from 2002 to 2003 among the
students
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, studying in the
USA
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 was among
Indian
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 origin
as well as
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of American
students
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 in
Canada
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 went up by approximately six times rather than Canadian
students
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 in the
USA
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accordingly
Linking Words
.
Linking Words
Overall
Add an article
The overall
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 difference between
Canada
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 and the
USA
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 is dramatically different.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "accordingly".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, canada, usa, indian with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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