IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that it is the responsibility of first world nations to help other countries. Others, however, feel that these countries have their own problems and should help themselves first. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, more and more individuals keep with a belief that It is international global
organizations
Use synonyms
' obligation to help other monopolies,
while
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 others consider that these poor
countries
Use synonyms
 should carry about themselves on their own.
Although
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 the
organizations
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 could be more supportable through their influence on the world,
countries
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 should do it
by
Change preposition
at
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 their own
expenses
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expense
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. National
organizations
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 should help other
countries
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 since they have enough
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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influence and financial influence all around the world. The
organizations
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 will take money from other
countriescountries
Correct your spelling
countries countries
countries-countries
as well as
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 ask them to take part in improving these poor monopolies. To be more precise, support will be delivered effectively and quickly, because of the rich monopolies' ability.
For instance
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, when there was an emergency case with the earthquake in Turkey in 2023, the UN organization took money as taxes from
countries
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 that took part in the organization and sent it to Turkey.
Moreover
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, some
countries
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 sent their local services for first aid as well.
Thus
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global
organizations
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 should take responsibility for poor regions.
On the other hand
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, governments which faced with challenges should cope with these issues on their own. Since these global
organizations
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 are concentrated on extended topics
such
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 as climate change or global warming, they should not consider about future of a monopoly.
This
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 region should try to solve problems on their own.
For example
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, when there are issues on the Earth or a region,
organizations
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 prefer the Earth as a more essential topic to think about,
while
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 a country find solutions through their own clubs.
Therefore
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, these regions should try to solve difficulties on their own. In conclusion,
although
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 national
organizations
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 should be concerned about poor areas, there are more important
that
Correct pronoun usage
ones that
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 take into account the whole world. If a country could escape their challenges, there would not be a need to disrupt
nor
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apply
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the government
neither
Correct word choice
or
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 global
organizations
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.

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each main point should be fully expanded with clear supporting ideas or examples.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a clearer structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and that your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in your essay, which is a strong point for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a basic framework for your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral obligation
  • economic stability
  • overcoming poverty
  • improving education
  • health crises
  • global interconnectedness
  • worldwide stability and prosperity
  • homelessness
  • unemployment
  • inequality
  • external assistance
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • collaborative approach
  • ethical responsibility
  • global welfare
  • domestic obligations
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