IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that money for education mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Several
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
education’s
Change noun form
education
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on computers, but others think that it is better to spend on
teachers
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both sides of the argument,
while
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 I support the latter opinion that paying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can provide anything that they want. Through the
computer
Use synonyms
, every person is able to obtain information,
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 or knowledge easily and quickly.
For instance
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, if children want to know about the formulas of Mathematic, they can utilize an application on
device
Add an article
a device
the device
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 like Google, and even, if they want to acquire more explanation, they are able to open YouTube.
Besides
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 can see again if they forget that topic.
Hence
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, several
people
Use synonyms
 feel spending their
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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better
Add a missing verb
is better
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 because something on
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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 can be looked
plenty
Change preposition
at plenty
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 of times.
On the other hand
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, others think that spending the
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 can assist a financial of them. If
role
Add an article
the role
show examples
 of the
teachers
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 has been changed by
computer
Use synonyms
, every person who
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
teacher
Use synonyms
 does not possess an income
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will escalate
total
Correct article usage
the total
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of
Change preposition
apply
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unemployment.
In addition
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, it
also
Linking Words
 treasures the services of a
teacher
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, currently, many young
people
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
are studying
show examples
 to become
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 at university. If
people
Use synonyms
 still require the role of
teacher
Use synonyms
, those students will
be
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 easier to get a job when they finish their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both arguments carry strength and significance, and neither can be refuted outright.
Nevertheless
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, I personally subscribe to the fact that spending
money
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education is better
on
Change preposition
for
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 the
teachers
Use synonyms
 because it can increase their economy, and
this
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also
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 cherishes their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay structure, make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and restate your main points in the conclusion for a stronger impact and clearer position statement.
coherence cohesion
Increase the effectiveness of your essay by ensuring paragraphs contain a clear main idea, are well-organized and transitions are used smoothly between points and paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing more detailed examples to support your views. Be sure to elaborate on why you believe spending on teachers or computers has certain advantages or disadvantages.
task achievement
To clarify and extend your ideas, try to provide a more in-depth analysis of each viewpoint. This will show a better understanding of the complexity of the issue and enhance your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactive learning
  • tailored education
  • adaptive learning programs
  • distance learning
  • qualified teachers
  • immediate feedback
  • teaching methods
  • learning styles
  • social skills
  • balanced investment
  • modernize education
  • educational needs
  • emotional intelligence
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