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Nowadays, many people spend a lot of money on weddings. Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #money #weddings #outweigh
There is an ongoing debate about the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
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weddings
 and whether
this
 issue is beneficial or not. My perspective is,
although
 investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
weddings
 can have advantages, the drawbacks of it will foster the prons. The following paragraphs will discuss my assertion.
To begin
 with,
weddings
 can be remarkably beneficial.
First,
it can provide suitable opportunities for vendors which can lead to more sustainable income for a range of society.
This
 means that there are considerable job offers with a qualified salary for
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
.
Thus
, the community will face standard living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 with
sustainable
Add an article
a sustainable
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 income.
Secondly
, having the perfect wedding can enhance the emotional and
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 status of the parties. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
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,
with
Change preposition
by
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 spending
money
 on
weddings
 residents can gain personalization and memorable experiences which can evoke their emotions.
This
 will result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delightful memories that will
ecth
Correct your spelling
etch
 to their mind.
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages of huge expenditure on
weddings
.
Firstly
,
this
 issue can have economic impacts on families and will worsen their financial status. In fact, spending too much
money
 on a party will affect the livelihood of families and
make
Verb problem
cause
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 a huge debt.
Furthure more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
this
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of
money
 can be spent on
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
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 of life where it can embrace the development of
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 lives.
For example
, buying a house in which residents will be able to settle their lives can be more essential than possessing a fancy wedding.
Thus
, since there are other important issues, the expenditure must be minimized to prevent debt. Despite the benefits, it can cause a huge debt for families and
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
money
 for solving more important matters in life which can be severely challenging for both the groom and the bride. The
money
 could be b In conclusion,
weddings
 can provide job opportunities and make especial experience for individuals. etter spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with
this
 view?
Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and outlines the points in favor of both sides of the argument. However, the final paragraph appears to be incomplete, and the summary of your position is not clear. Ensure your conclusion fully summarises the argument and clearly states your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear topic sentences for each paragraph, but there are instances where your ideas could be more fully developed. Try to add more details or examples to support your points in each paragraph.
task achievement
While you do include some specific examples in your argument, they lack detail which could make them more convincing. For future essays, include deeper and more detailed examples to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish
  • extravagant
  • nuptials
  • financial strain
  • one-time event
  • ostentatious display
  • matrimonial ceremony
  • budget
  • economic burden
  • social expectations
  • memorable
  • frugality
  • opulence
  • fiscal responsibility
  • wedding industry
  • consumerism
  • financial planning
  • cultural norms
  • debt
  • sentimentality
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