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Band 2.5

Keeping animals in captivity is vruel for many reasons. Do you agree?

#animals #captivity #vruel
Keeping
animals
 in
captivity
ia
Correct your spelling
is
 a problem for many reasons. On top of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it's not fair to the
animals
, because it stops them
doing
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from doing
show examples
 what they
naturlly
Correct your spelling
naturally
 do. In
this
 essay, I will give my point of view on that topic.
Firstly
,
captivity
 denies
animals
 the opportunity to participate in natural behaviours, leading them to genetic and physical degeneration. They get stressed, boredom and sometimes they
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 dangerous behaviours because of the lack of space.
This
 makes them sad and not healthy.
Animals
 need proper food and care, and in
captivity
, they might not get that.
Secondly
,
captivity
 robs
animals
freedom
Change preposition
of freedom
show examples
 and the ability to live as they would if they were in nature with other
animals
 of their own species. Even if
captivity
 contributes to understanding, safeguarding and
conservation
Replace the word
conserving
show examples
animals
, it is crucial to
weight
Correct your spelling
weigh
show examples
 the effects on the
animals
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
. Humans can help them, by
prodecting
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protecting
projecting
producing
 their environment and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
captivity
 might be considered as a solution for animal welfare and conservation, it is crucial to strike a balance between human interests and the well-being of the
animals
 involved.
Submitted by mayiou on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that reflects your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next, using cohesive devices to help make connections between ideas.
General Advice
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammatical structures to maintain clarity throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to expand on the conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to correct slips and errors that might confuse the reader or disrupt the flow of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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