IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Keeping animals in captivity is vruel for many reasons. Do you agree?

#animals #captivity #vruel
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Keeping
animals
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 in
captivity
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ia
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is
 a problem for many reasons. On top of
that
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that,
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 it's not fair to the
animals
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, because it stops them
doing
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from doing
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 what they
naturlly
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naturally
 do. In
this
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 essay, I will give my point of view on that topic.
Firstly
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,
captivity
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 denies
animals
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 the opportunity to participate in natural behaviours, leading them to genetic and physical degeneration. They get stressed, boredom and sometimes they
developed
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develop
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 dangerous behaviours because of the lack of space.
This
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 makes them sad and not healthy.
Animals
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 need proper food and care, and in
captivity
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, they might not get that.
Secondly
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,
captivity
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 robs
animals
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freedom
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of freedom
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 and the ability to live as they would if they were in nature with other
animals
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 of their own species. Even if
captivity
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 contributes to understanding, safeguarding and
conservation
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conserving
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animals
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, it is crucial to
weight
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weigh
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 the effects on the
animals
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themeselves
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themselves
. Humans can help them, by
prodecting
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protecting
projecting
producing
 their environment and
help
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helping
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 them. In
conclution
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conclusion
,
while
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captivity
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 might be considered as a solution for animal welfare and conservation, it is crucial to strike a balance between human interests and the well-being of the
animals
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 involved.
Submitted by mayiou on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that reflects your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next, using cohesive devices to help make connections between ideas.
General Advice
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammatical structures to maintain clarity throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to expand on the conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to correct slips and errors that might confuse the reader or disrupt the flow of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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