Politicians personal lives should not be written on newspapers. To what extend, do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
government
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
need to expose their personal
lives
and some people think that should not to displayed in public media. I believe that
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
behaviour and activities should be
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
.
To begin
with, There amount of argument why
government
official
lives
should be written
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
newspapers.
first,
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
personal
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
have been appearing on public media that can be received assessment by the general public. Because there is a common issue for the legislator to take advantage of their power in
government
parliament. The citizens would give to evaluation
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
on glamorous
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
lives
or not
then
If
government
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
reflected
indication
Correct article usage
an indication
show examples
to commit some violent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
as
indication
Correct article usage
an indication
show examples
for doing corruption and
violent
Replace the word
violence
show examples
so on.
Furthermore
, the citizens who have
been
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
saw
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
politicians
Change noun form
politician's
politicians'
show examples
lives
can
evaluate
Correct pronoun usage
evaluate them
show examples
. Are
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
politicians
still capable
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
achievement and behavior for the next voting of
legislator
Fix the agreement mistake
legislators
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
For instance
, If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
are displayed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
arrogant
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
or another negative perspective of their personal
lives
. It can make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
for
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
chosen
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
that people again, because their not
represent
Replace the word
representative
show examples
of
citezent
Correct your spelling
the
desirable.
Moreover
, the
policitians
Correct your spelling
politicians
have been
get
Change the verb form
getting
got
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
review
Fix the agreement mistake
reviews
show examples
from all
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens. In conclusion,
Exploitation
Correct article usage
the Exploitation
show examples
of
politicians
live
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is a way to provide
government
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
for prevent bad behavior and
also
assessment
Replace the word
assess
show examples
their impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the country.
Submitted by fiez97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Your essay seems to provide an opinion but could benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines your stance and summaries the main points that you will discuss. Include a clear thesis statement that reflects your position.
Body Paragraphs
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Your current arguments lack specific examples to support your claims. Aim to include at least one clear, relevant example per main point.
Conclusion
Develop a coherent conclusion that restates your position and summarizes the main points of your essay. Your current conclusion lacks clarity and does not effectively encapsulate your argument.
Coherence
Pay attention to coherence in your essay by organizing ideas logically. Use transition words to guide the reader through your argument and maintain a logical flow.
Cohesion
Ensure cohesion in your writing by linking ideas and paragraphs clearly. Use referencing words and cohesive devices to maintain the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Address the task more completely by engaging with the prompt directly and providing a more balanced discussion if you're considering both sides of the argument, or a more detailed explanation if you're only supporting one side.
Idea Development
Give clear and comprehensive ideas to make your arguments persuasive and understandable. Avoid ambiguity and strive for clarity in presenting your thoughts.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: