The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts provide data about the devices individuals in the 18 to 25 age group
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
to watch
television
Use synonyms
in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2009 the conventional
TV
Use synonyms
was the most preferred
device
Use synonyms
for watching
television
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, in 2019 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
and flat-screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
were the most preferred
Use synonyms
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
for watching
television
Use synonyms
. As can clearly be seen, in 2009 the conventional
TV
Use synonyms
was the most preferred
device
Use synonyms
for watching
television
Use synonyms
with 34 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
tablet
Correct article usage
the tablet
show examples
was the least preferred
device
Use synonyms
for watching
television
Use synonyms
. The percentages of desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
were pretty similar accounting for 18 and 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
respectively. In 2019, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
and flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
were the most preferred devices for watching
television
Use synonyms
at 27 and 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
respectively. The percentage of
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
was 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
which was approximately four
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
more than the proportion
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in 2009 which was 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The percentages of desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
were the same accounting for 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
respectively. The least preferred
device
Use synonyms
for watching
television
Use synonyms
in 2019 was conventional
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
with 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words television, tv, device, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • 18 to 25 age group
  • devices
  • watch television
  • Canada
  • comparison
  • shift
  • preferences
  • mobile devices
  • traditional televisions
  • technological advancements
  • television viewing habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: