IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Living in country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world where globalization becoming common, some people try to seek
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign
country
 either
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study or work.
This
 phenomenon can
cause
 social
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
as well as
 practical
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for
someone
 who just
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to live abroad for the first time. Personally, I agree that living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign land can have several
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
due to
 several
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 discussed below
First,
reside
Wrong verb form
residing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
 where you have to speak on different
language
 can
cause
 cultural problems. Most of the
language
 of a
country
 has a deep connection with its culture and tradition. When
someone
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to speak another
language
 without
consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
 the culture behind it, sometimes it can
cause
 a misunderstanding. Nodding,
for instance
, in some countries it means ‘no’,
while
 in other countries it means ‘yes’.
In addition
, people with different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 can interpret the same thing with different
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
.
For example
, hugging can be a way to express your closeness with
someone
. In several countries, it can be only done to your family,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 in other parts of the world, you can do it with
someone
 you just met.
Second,
living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 land
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 your daily
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, when
someone
 just moved to another
country
, it is very hard for them to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the new situation. It can
cause
 several issues
such
 as changes in daily
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 and changes in how to interact with people etc.
In addition
, personal problems can arise from
this
 case like homesickness.
To sum up
, living in a
country
 where it has
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
language
 than your own can
cause
 cultural
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 and
cause
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in your daily lives.
However
, I do believe that all those
issue
Change the determiner
issues
show examples
 will be diminished as time
gone
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 by as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have the ability to adapt.
Submitted by periset on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but you could be more explicit in your paragraphing to improve logical flow between ideas. Consider using stronger topic sentences and clearer transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened. The introduction should explicitly state your thesis, and the conclusion should restate your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each of your main points is supported by specific examples or evidence. Your current supporting details are somewhat general or vague.
task achievement
You've addressed the task partially but should develop your arguments fully to cover all parts of the question. Your response could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the degree to which you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Strive for clearer development of your ideas throughout the essay. Expand on how exactly the language and cultural issues manifest and why they are significant.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. These can be from your own experience, observations, or other credible sources.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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