In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Many children often correlate putting in the effort with success, which is considered a normal message they receive in several cultures.
Children are able to gradually build their confidence because of the support of external factors,
such
as their parents, friends, or teachers. Linking Words
This
helps develop a mindset where they could "fake it until they make it". Linking Words
Additionally
, they are able to practise standing tall in the face of failure.
Linking Words
Although
having that innate sense of belief can help an individual tremendously, there are Linking Words
also
certain disadvantages. Linking Words
Firstly
, regardless of the amount of effort children have put in, they may be reluctant to accept failures. To illustrate Linking Words
this
, a kid who was told that they were academically smart their whole lives, might experience a culture shock when they did not pass a test. Linking Words
Secondly
, Linking Words
this
false hope may lead to mental health issues, Linking Words
such
as depression or anger issues because they failed to fulfil their expectations or what they thought they could achieve. Take, Linking Words
for example
, they were inspired to become a pilot after a ride on a plane, causing parents to support their child's dream by enrolling them in a pilot school. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
due to
their innocence, they have not been exposed yet to the rigorous education and training pilots have to go through to Linking Words
finally
become acknowledged as a pilot. Linking Words
Thus
, despite their efforts to persevere, these kids can feel like failures when they, Linking Words
for instance
, get scolded for getting an aircraft-related question wrong.
In conclusion, one's confidence may be boosted when other people believe in them. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
this
belief, when not executed with self-awareness, may lead to detrimental health effects.Linking Words
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should set the context and outline the main points, whereas the conclusion should summarize your discussion without introducing new ideas. Your essay could be improved by explicitly stating the topic in the introduction and providing a summary of the advantages and disadvantages in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to make connections between ideas clearer. This includes connectors for sequencing ideas, comparing and contrasting points, and summarizing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points should be more fully supported with specific details or examples. Each advantage or disadvantage could be explored in more depth to show a clear understanding of the topic.,
Task Achievement
Ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. Both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) should be given equal weight and discussed thoroughly. Your essay leans slightly towards discussing the disadvantages; try to balance this by expounding on the advantages as well.
Task Achievement
Aim to develop your ideas clearly and comprehensively, which involves explaining the significance of your points and how they relate to the question. Your discussion of the advantages is a good start, but it needs to be clear and distinct from the disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. You provided good examples for the disadvantages, but additional specific examples for the advantages would enhance your response.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...