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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Many children often correlate putting in the effort with success, which is considered a normal message they receive in several cultures. Children are able to gradually build their confidence because of the support of external factors,
such
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 as their parents, friends, or teachers.
This
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 helps develop a mindset where they could "fake it until they make it".
Additionally
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, they are able to practise standing tall in the face of failure.
Although
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 having that innate sense of belief can help an individual tremendously, there are
also
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 certain disadvantages.
Firstly
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, regardless of the amount of effort children have put in, they may be reluctant to accept failures. To illustrate
this
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, a kid who was told that they were academically smart their whole lives, might experience a culture shock when they did not pass a test.
Secondly
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,
this
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 false hope may lead to mental health issues,
such
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 as depression or anger issues because they failed to fulfil their expectations or what they thought they could achieve. Take,
for example
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, they were inspired to become a pilot after a ride on a plane, causing parents to support their child's dream by enrolling them in a pilot school.
However
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,
due to
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 their innocence, they have not been exposed yet to the rigorous education and training pilots have to go through to
finally
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 become acknowledged as a pilot.
Thus
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, despite their efforts to persevere, these kids can feel like failures when they,
for instance
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, get scolded for getting an aircraft-related question wrong. In conclusion, one's confidence may be boosted when other people believe in them.
However
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,
this
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 belief, when not executed with self-awareness, may lead to detrimental health effects.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should set the context and outline the main points, whereas the conclusion should summarize your discussion without introducing new ideas. Your essay could be improved by explicitly stating the topic in the introduction and providing a summary of the advantages and disadvantages in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to make connections between ideas clearer. This includes connectors for sequencing ideas, comparing and contrasting points, and summarizing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points should be more fully supported with specific details or examples. Each advantage or disadvantage could be explored in more depth to show a clear understanding of the topic.,
Task Achievement
Ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. Both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) should be given equal weight and discussed thoroughly. Your essay leans slightly towards discussing the disadvantages; try to balance this by expounding on the advantages as well.
Task Achievement
Aim to develop your ideas clearly and comprehensively, which involves explaining the significance of your points and how they relate to the question. Your discussion of the advantages is a good start, but it needs to be clear and distinct from the disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. You provided good examples for the disadvantages, but additional specific examples for the advantages would enhance your response.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • work ethic
  • resilience
  • self-confidence
  • self-worth
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • frustration
  • self-esteem
  • pressure
  • anxiety
  • individual effort
  • collaboration
  • social support
  • systemic factors
  • talent
  • opportunity
  • luck
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