IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think cities are the best place to live. Other prefer to live in a rural area. Discuss both reviews and give on opinion.

#people #cities #place #area #reviews
These days,
people
's lifestyles are so varied from the previous time and they choose the best area for living.
For instance
, a group of
people
 think that living in the countryside is the best choice
while
 others believe that urban regions are the best for accommodation. In my opinion, living in rural areas has several benefits, but I select
cities
 owing to the fact that these regions have a lot of facilities and more job opportunities. On the one hand, populations who choose suburban districts for their living think about a range of items that are more important for them like.
Firstly
, the rural areas have neither air nor noise pollution, so
people
 who live in these regions experience really calm and healthy lives without feeling stressed.
Secondly
, most populations who live in the countryside have farmland;
consequently
, they can use fresh ingredients for cooking their meals.
In addition
, they create handicrafts that are really crucial owing to the fact that they are symbols of culture.
On the other hand
, when you live in metropolises, you have access to a lot of equipment that aids you to have a more comfortable life;
besides
, the number of pastimes items in the
cities
 is greater.
In other words
, living in modern
cities
 helps us to have new technology and a different range of entertainment factors
such
 as cinemas, parks, restaurants and so on.
In addition
, a number of companies are around urban districts, and they need a majority of employees;
therefore
, living in the
cities
 creates a new occupational chance for young generations and communities who looking for jobs.
To sum up
, suburban areas are a good selection for
people
 who like living quietly;
however
,
cities
 are good for communities who want facilities and work.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. This will help the reader understand the purpose of each section immediately. In your essay, while the ideas are generally clear, topic sentences can be more explicit.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points in both paragraphs. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive. For instance, mention specific technologies or job opportunities available in cities.
introduction
The introduction effectively presents both sides of the argument and states your personal opinion, setting a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic, such as benefits of rural areas and advantages of cities.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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